


Almost Lover

by lust_muffin



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/M, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22271395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lust_muffin/pseuds/lust_muffin
Summary: “What are you doing?” Her words came out muffled against his chest.“Hugging you,” he answered simply, kicking the door shut behind him.“Why?” She was a little (or a lot) confused right now. Oliver never hugged her like this before and she didn’t know what to make of it.“You looked like you could use a hug.” Apparently he wasn’t a complete fuck up when it came to Felicity and he could do or say the right thing occasionally.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------After the siege, after the whole mess with Slade Wilson, after telling Felicity he loved her without meaning it (but totally meaning it), things hadn't been great between them. Tension was running high, they had problems communicating when that was something that never happened before and Laurel... Laurel was making everything worse. Until one night, she went too far. And that was the point that changed their lives forever.Or a "what would Oliver and Felicity's life be like if they got together sooner?"
Relationships: Olicity, Oliver Queen & Felicity Smoak, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Comments: 256
Kudos: 528





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I wasn't sure I was ever going to post this, but here we are. Guess we could all use a pick me up right about now. This will probably be part of a series in the future. This fic is the starting point for that and it'll be a take on what Olicity's life could have been like if they got together sooner. Some things will be the same, some f*** ups the Arrow writers made over the years will change. But again, this is just the starting point. I hope y'all enjoy it.

_“Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do”_

Oh, no. Not again. Oliver took a deep breath and pressed the handles of his bike tightly. That was going too far. It was going way too far and he was tired of holding back and do nothing.

He really tried to stay out of it. Mostly because Felicity would just send that warning glance his way every time she saw his intent to step in and that would make him shut his mouth before he could even open it. He knew she could take care of herself and fight her own battles, but enough was enough.

Now that Laurel knew who he was and what he did with most of his nights, she was there a lot. It worked for them, since it was easier for her to prosecute the guys they were getting out off the streets if she knew exactly what their crimes were and could tell the team what kind of evidence she needed to make sure they would stay in prison. But from the beginning it became obvious that she wasn't Felicity's biggest fan. That was something he couldn't understand, because how was it possible for anyone to dislike Felicity Smoak?

He watched from the sidelines for months the little cat fight the two women seemed to have going on. Well, not “cat fight”. Cat fight was too strong of a description for it when Felicity never had let things go that far. She never demoted herself to Laurel's level. She usually just ignored Laurel's little jabs at her and pretended she wasn’t bothered by it. At the beginning she was very good at pretending, but as Laurel's comments became progressively harsher, Felicity's armor started to crack. But Oliver never said anything because he knew his IT girl didn't want him to meddle.

He noticed a pattern, though. Felicity never seemed to be all that upset when Laurel insinuated something about not knowing why she was a part of the team. Oliver assumed it was because Felicity knew exactly how important she was to the team and that they would be lost without her. She knew her place regarding their nightly activities couldn't be easily taken from her. Or taken from her at all, to be honest. What seemed to upset her the most was when Laurel decided to go on personal attacks regarding her place in Oliver's life and he knew that part of it was his fault.

Things had been a bit strained between them since that night at the mansion, since Slade. They were trying to pretend everything was okay, that nothing had changed, but they both knew that wasn't true. They’d never talked about it, not since that day on the beach on Lian Yu when she tried to give him an out that he couldn't take. Maybe he wasn't ready to tell her that he meant it at the time, but he wouldn't lie to her either and tell her that he didn't, that the words that left his mouth that night were only said because they were trying to trick Slade.

He loved her. Oliver knew that long before that night, but until then he was trying to pretend he didn't, trying to keep her at arm's length because _he didn't deserve her_. Felicity Smoak was too good for him. Then he had to put her in danger to save them all and the feelings he had been trying to keep to himself burst out of his chest unexpectedly.

Telling her he loved her wasn't part of his plan. He knew that Slade would buy their act just by the fact that Oliver was wasting time in the middle of all that chaos to take Felicity somewhere he considered safe. His need for her to be out of the line of fire and telling her that Slade took the wrong woman would be enough to convince his old friend that Felicity was the one he was in love with. There was no need for him to actually say the words. It just happened.

He didn't regret it. He couldn't regret it when those words were probably the most honest words that he had said in a long time, but he knew he didn't deal with it in the right way after.

Laurel noticed the tension between them in the following weeks. That was when the comments about Felicity being "so not the type of friend" Oliver usually had and "not the kind of girl he goes for" started. And this was only what he happened to overhear occasionally, when Laurel thought no one was paying attention. He had no idea about how bad it was when the two women were alone, at least not until tonight.

Maybe if they had talked about what had happened, if he had been honest and had let Felicity know how important she was, how much she meant to him, it wouldn't have gotten to this point. Maybe she would have been able to just ignore what Laurel said, because she would know where they stood. But as things were right now, she was probably confused about her place in his life. And Laurel's cruel jabs for the past three months were making things a lot worse.

He always knew that Laurel could be vicious when she wanted to be, but at first he couldn't understand why she would make Felicity her target. Looking back on things now, he should’ve had known sooner. But she was mistaken if she thought that knowing his secret would change anything between them.

It took longer than it should have for him to accept that his relationship with Laurel was never meant to be, that what they did to each other when they were together was toxic, but he had been over it for a long time now. And he thought he had made it very clear last year, when he went back to Lian Yu after Tommy’s death, leaving her with her old picture and a letter, but apparently not.

He would always care about her, but the two of them were better off apart. His heart was set on an IT girl with a genius level IQ and a rambling problem these days. However, it seemed that Laurel didn't agree with him. And now she had gone too far.

He knew that if Felicity had been in her right mind, she would have muted her side of the comms as soon as she realized where Laurel’s words were going that night. They all knew that she didn’t want them to get in the middle of this, especially not Oliver. But it seemed that Laurel’s animosity had finally caught up with Felicity and she wasn’t thinking straight anymore. She couldn’t just ignore and keep pretending that the other woman’s comments didn’t affect her, that it didn’t hurt her. So he and Diggle decided that patrolling would be cut short for them. Roy could deal with it on his own for one night.

“What have I ever done to you?” Felicity’s small voice came through the comms and made his heart twist painfully inside his chest. She sounded like a child that was trying so hard not to cry and failing miserably at it.

The image of Felicity’s tearful eyes stormed his mind, making him push his bike to the limit and Oliver was at the foundry before he could even notice it, being joined by Dig. His friend had a murderous look in his eyes when he came out of the van, closing the door with a lot more force than necessary, and Oliver couldn’t blame him. He knew how close Dig and Felicity were, how much they had bonded after the Undertaking when Oliver was on his self-imposed retirement on Lian Yu.

Diggle loved Felicity. He just wanted their girl to be happy. And now she was clearly unhappy, crying because of something, or a lot of “somethings” if they were being honest, that Laurel said to her. He wouldn’t blame Dig if he ended up hating Laurel.

“If you don’t do something this time, I will.” Diggle threatened through gritted teeth when they entered the lair to find Felicity trying to hide her tear stained face when she heard them coming down the stairs.

Laurel’s face was the picture of innocence and if he wasn’t raging already, that would probably do the trick. How could she make Felicity cry and then look at him like that? Like there was nothing wrong?

It was obvious that Laurel had no idea that they had listened to everything she said through the comms. Felicity herself seemed startled to see them so soon. Her face scrunched up in confusion for a second when Dig took her in a bear hug without any warning, but then it hit her. He saw the understanding cross the blonde’s eyes when she realized that she hadn’t turned off their comms when Laurel started her verbal attack.

“Oliver…” Felicity pushed out of Diggle’s embrace as soon as she saw the anger swimming in Oliver’s eyes when he lowered his hood and pulled his mask off, throwing it over a table carelessly.

“Don’t, Felicity. She has no right.” His controlled tone wasn’t fooling anyone, certainly not Felicity. She could see the rage beneath his hunched shoulders and coiled muscles.

“It’s Laurel. She’s your…. I don’t want to cause any trouble,” she whispered, clenching her hands to avoid reaching for him and caress his jaw until the tightness was gone, like she wanted to do. He wasn’t hers to do these things. Laurel was always reminding her of that.

The distress in her tone gave him pause. Did she really believe that she was the one causing problems? Was she only withstanding the situation because she was afraid to be the reason of a fight? “You know whose side he would pick, don’t you? We’ve known each other for most of our lives”, Laurel’s words that he overheard over the comms came back to his mind and he had never felt the urge to scream at her the way he did right now. How dare she?

Oliver remembered way too clearly how his own mother had used the same kind of argument to prevent Felicity from telling him about Thea’s parentage. He remembered how upset she was when she told him that his mother said that he would hate her for telling him the truth. It was such a low blow that if he hadn’t been so shocked by yet another lie at the time, he would have been bristling with rage at his mother for making Felicity feel like that. Now Laurel had done the same and he could feel his control slipping.

The sadness on her face and the way she was trying to avoid his eyes only served to fuel the fire even more. She was hiding from him and that wasn't something she usually did. If she had something to say, she would say it to his face. If she was upset about something, she would let him see it. But now? She wouldn't even look him in the eyes.

Then he turned to Laurel and caught her shamelessly smirking at Felicity behind his back like he wasn't right there, like seeing his partner so upset brought her such joy that she couldn't contain her smile. Laurel tried to conceal her smirk when she realized he was looking at her, but she was too late. And he was done. He was so done with her.

“Get out.” Trying to keep his tone even was a hard feat to accomplish when he was as mad as he felt at that moment.

“What? Ollie…” Laurel tried to say something, but he didn’t want to hear it.

“I said _get out._ ” Oliver was so angry he couldn’t see anything past Felicity’s tearful eyes in his mind.

“Why? What have I done?” Laurel crossed her arms and her defying tone was the last straw.

“What have you done?” He didn’t even realize his bow was still in his hand until he banged it against the surface of a table, making the lawyer jump. And then he was in her face in a way that hadn’t happened in some time, but his blood was boiling and he had no patience left. “Do you think I’m stupid, Laurel? I know about the things you’ve been telling Felicity when you think no one else is listening! I never said anything because I knew she didn’t want me to meddle, but after tonight? I’m drawing the line and I don’t care if she doesn’t want me to get in the middle of it!”

She was laughing. Laurel was actually laughing in his face as if he had just told her a very funny joke. She patted his chest and Oliver took a step back to get her hands away from him. He couldn’t deal with her touching him right now without the urge of forcing her hands away, and that wasn’t him. No matter how angry he was, he would never hurt her.

“Oww, do you have a little crush? I see you’ve had no luck with getting her in bed so far. Is that why you are trying to impress her?” Laurel's voice was as sweet as it gets, but her eyes were full of malice. “You’ve always been a sucker for a pretty face. But I know you, Ollie. Once you’ve had your fill and you’re done with her, you’ll come crawling back to me, like always.”

“You really don’t get it, do you? I hate who I was when we were together. We were never good for each other. What else do I have to do to make you understand that we’re done?” His tone was eerily calm, considering the barely contained rage swimming in his blood. “You don’t know me. Not who I am now. You know the stupid boy who took your sister on a trip because he wanted to get out of a relationship and didn’t know how. And even if you’re stuck in the past, thinking I’m the same person I was before the Gambit went down, I still consider you my friend. But don’t make me choose, Laurel. I’m pretty sure you won’t like the outcome. Now get the hell out before I make you leave.”

The lawyer only stared at him for silent, charged seconds. And then she gave him an incredulous huff and an icy glare, before stomping out of the lair, her heels clinking forcibly on the metal stairs. When the door closed behind her Oliver's anger got the best of him and before he could contain himself, his closed fists were banging against the table and he was shoving everything over it to the ground, including his bow.

“Oliver, I’m…” Felicity took a tiny step towards him, hand raised in his direction, no doubt to try to calm him down.

“Stop.” His voice came out a lot harsher than he intended and she flinched.

Great, now he was being an ass to the one person that didn’t deserve it at all. He couldn’t even remember the last time he said something to her that made her flinch before now.

She only stared at him for a second before silently turning her back on him and going back to her computers, looking so dejected that Oliver felt like slapping himself over the head. He could feel Felicity retreating into herself. It was something that always happened when she was upset.

There was no need to slap himself when Diggle got to him first, though. The other man punched him, and Dig wasn't one to hold back when it came to Felicity. His shoulder throbbed, but Oliver wasn't going to complain about how hard his friend had hit him. He deserved it.

“You’re a dumbass,” Dig hissed at him. It wouldn’t surprise him if the other man decided to punch him in the face. He looked pissed. And tempted.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” he sighed, keeping his voice low so Felicity wouldn't hear them.

Oliver took a deep breath, running a hand over his face and trying to get his irritation with Laurel under control. He needed to cool down if he didn’t want to direct his anger at the wrong person again. It wasn’t John’s fault and it certainly wasn’t Felicity’s fault either.

“The two of you need to talk, Oliver. Not talking was what got you in this situation. I was trying to stay out of it, but she deserves better than you stringing her along,” Diggle said in an irritated whisper.

“I’m not… That’s not what I’m doing.” His friend’s words startled him out of his previous anger.

“Isn’t it? You tell her you love her and then you pretend it never happened or that it was all to fool Slade while still out here trying to act like her knight in shining armor when someone hurts her feelings, but at the same time you’re dumping your frustrations on her. That, Oliver…” he pointed to Felicity’s small form, curled up on herself like she was trying to disappear into her chair while talking softly to Roy on the comms. “That is the push and pull getting to her. I’ve seen it all before.”

Oliver couldn’t say he was surprised that his friend knew about what had happened at the Queen mansion. He knew John and Felicity talked, oftentimes sharing things Felicity would never talk to him about. He would never resent her need for a friendly ear, even if that meant having Dig all over his business.

He was stuck at the “I’ve seen it all before” part of his friend’s words, though. When exactly John had seen their IT girl like that, letting the “push and pull” get to her was a mystery to him.

There was that time in Russia. He would probably regret that forever, for more than one reason, because seriously… Isabel Rochev? What was he thinking? Felicity never hid how upset she was with him because of that, but since John hadn’t punched him in the face nor used him as target practice, he was pretty sure she kept that one to herself.

“Be honest with her, Oliver. Just tell her how you feel, even if you’re not ready for more than words right now. At least she’ll know where you stand.” John’s words pulled him out of his thoughts. “Or tell her it won’t ever happen and end it once and for all so she can move on with her life.”

Just the thought of looking Felicity in the eyes and telling her something as absurd as what Diggle was suggesting was like a punch to the gut. He wasn’t even able to do it after Slade. She gave him an out on Lian Yu and even when everything was supposed to be a ruse, he couldn't take it. What made his friend think he would ever be able to tell her something like that to her face was beyond him.

He was probably looking like a deer caught in the headlights at Dig’s words, because the older man shook his head in a mix of amusement and annoyance. Oliver didn't know how he could pull it off, but he was aware that the look that was being thrown at him was the one his friend tended to use when Diggle thought he was being a special kind of idiot.

“That’s what I thought. You can’t even imagine it, can you?” John snorted, rolling his eyes at him when Oliver grimaced at his question. “I guess that leaves you with only one option. Making her live in this limbo is not fair. And I’m pretty sure you know it.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, throwing a look at Felicity and feeling his chest constrict when he could only see the top of her head over the back of her chair and her shoes discarded on the floor. She really was all curled up on herself now, knees being held to her chest and everything. He did this to her. “I just don’t see how I could be the best option in this scenario.”

“You really do think very low of yourself. But you know what, man? It’s not only your decision to make. She’s a big girl. Stop trying to take the choice away from her. What you think of yourself won’t change how she feels about you.” Diggle clapped him on the shoulder and then pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I’m gonna head up to the club to call Lyla. Talk to her, Oliver.”

And then it was just him and Felicity down in the foundry. He could have been alone, though. He had never seen Felicity so quiet. She wasn’t even this quiet when they were in the middle of missions. She was always chatting about one thing or another, her mouth running a mile a minute while it tried to keep up with her incredible brain. Now she was only talking when she needed to give Roy directions. It felt so wrong.

Oliver picked up the things he had shoved to the floor in his burst of rage to give himself some time to put his thoughts in order, then he unbuckled his quiver and stored both the quiver and his bow in their right place.

In a last effort to give himself a few more minutes, he decided to take a quick shower and change out of his Arrow suit. This was a conversation he wanted to have with her as Oliver Queen, not the Arrow. Because this? This was important and she deserved more than having this conversation with him hiding under a hood.

He had done enough damage already. It was time to stop hiding from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta and English isn't my first language so any and every mistake you might encounter is mine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. How are you doing?   
> So... I honestly didn't expect this kind of response when I posted the first chapter last week, but I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. I'm glad you guys enjoyed it and I hope you keep enjoying it as we move along this story.  
> Thank you so much for all the kudos, comments, bookmarks, etc.   
> Now... let's keep going, shall we?

Oliver was pretty sure he didn’t spend a lot more than ten minutes in the bathroom, but it was enough to be met with Diggle’s glare when he came out of it in sweatpants and a grey t-shirt.

“I tell you to talk to her and what do you do? Hide in the bathroom like a 7-year-old?” John’s words were filled with an annoyance that he only understood when he looked around his friend to find Felicity’s chair empty.

“Where did she go?” Oliver’s question was met with silence as Dig continued to glare at him. “Can you stop looking at me like you’re going to murder me in my sleep? I wasn’t hiding from her. I just… It didn’t feel right to have that conversation in the suit.”

He probably sounded sincere enough to Diggle because the other man toned down the air of general annoyance and the murderous look he was throwing at him.

“She ran out of here like a bat out of hell as soon as she heard the shower turning off. I tried talking to her, but she told me she didn’t feel like talking and just left. Only stayed long enough to tell Roy to come back because she didn’t want him out there without any backup.” A tired sigh escaped John’s lips. “She’s really upset, man. I’m pretty sure she was crying before I came back down.”

His heart stuttered inside his chest at his friend’s words. The idea of something he said hurting her to the point of bringing her to tears was sickening. Felicity wasn't one to usually be reduced to tears because he had been rude to her. The normal response for something like that was for her to push back just as hard and put him in his place. That's what he was used to. The fact that she was so far gone emotionally that his rudeness made her cry was worrisome.

“I didn't mean to upset her,” he ran a hand through his hair in agitation.

“You know it wasn’t just you, she was already upset with the whole Laurel thing. Maybe she just reached her limit.” Dig shrugged and then threw him a smirk. “She’s used to your asshole-y ways anyway.”

“Thanks, Diggle. That makes me feel so much better.” Oliver rolled his eyes at his friend, sarcasm dripping from his tone. “Maybe I should text her and tell her she doesn’t need to come in tomorrow. Give her some time.”

“You really are dense sometimes, aren’t you?” When Oliver did nothing but stare at him with confusion written all over his face, the ex-military gave him an impatient huff. “You yelled at her for no reason. If you tell her she doesn’t need to show up tomorrow she’ll think you’re mad at her, that you don’t want her here.”

“Oh…” he mumbled pathetically. He could see the logic behind his friend’s words.

“Yeah, oh.” John chuckled, picking up his jacket that was thrown over a table and putting it on. “I’m gonna head out. Lyla is having pizza cravings again and I need to pick up some on the way home.”

It took Oliver a few minutes to move on from the spot he was rooted to once Diggle left, his thoughts running around wildly. He needed to do something to empty his mind before going stir crazy.

Working out usually exhausted him to the point of being able to sleep for a few hours, but the thought of going to sleep in a bed Felicity bought him made him dismiss the idea. She was always looking out for him, always so worried about his wellbeing. Even when things had been so strained between them, she still cared so much that she couldn’t deal with the thought of him sleeping on the floor. And that was how he repaid her, being rude to her for no reason. Being anywhere near that bed right now would only make him feel guiltier.

He decided to work on his arrows instead. The methodical work was a good way to clear his mind, focus on something else that wasn’t his IT girl, at least for some time. Or so he thought, until he almost cut his finger off because his mind wandered and he wasn’t paying enough attention to what he was doing. It had barely been ten minutes since he started.

With a resigned sigh, Oliver accepted that he wouldn't be able to do anything productive that night and that pacing around the foundry was the best he could get without the risk of losing a finger.

And that was how Roy found him five minutes later when he finally came back from patrol, pacing around the lair, with a pensive expression on his face.

Roy didn’t want to get in the middle of whatever was going on with Oliver and Felicity, it wasn’t his business, but it wasn’t like he could pretend he didn’t hear what Laurel said that night. All their comms’ lines were open, after all. And he liked Felicity a lot. He couldn’t say the same about Laurel. She exuded an air of superiority that annoyed the hell out of him.

He didn’t want to get in the middle of it, but when Oliver was still pacing around when he came out of the bathroom after changing out of his suit and very much acting like Roy wasn’t even there, the younger man couldn’t control his tongue.

“You okay? Because Felicity didn’t sound very okay when she told me to come back and now you’re here all alone, pacing.” Oliver gave him a murderous look that made Roy raise his hands in a placating gesture. “I’m just saying.”

“Go home, Roy,” the older man told him, making it very clear that he wasn't in the mood for talking.

The thing about Roy Harper is that he was never very good at taking orders. Or knowing when to shut his mouth, for that matter.

“You know as well as I do that Laurel has been awful to Felicity for months. And she didn't do anything about it, because she knows how important Laurel is to you. But maybe… Maybe it’s time for you to let her know how important _she_ is to you too.” Before Oliver could reply, or maybe put an arrow in his knee again, Roy was already out of the foundry. He could be reckless, but he wasn’t stupid enough to wait around for the older man to kick his ass.

Oliver really tried to think about something else. He lasted maybe five minutes before he was putting his shoes and jacket on and stalking out of the foundry. Both Diggle and Roy, God forbid him finding out, were right.

He got to Felicity’s place faster than he thought possible, probably broke some speed laws in the process too. Maybe taking the bike he used for Arrow business wasn’t very smart, but he would worry about that later.

Her thick curtains were closed, not that he was expecting differently at this time of night, but when he got to her door, he could see the light under it. Taking a deep breath, Oliver knocked and waited for a response. When long seconds went by without any sound coming from inside the house, he raised his hand to knock again, but stopped himself at the last second. Maybe she forgot the lights on before going to bed?

The archer lost himself in his own head for a second and almost didn't see the shadow under the door. Almost. When there was no movement to open the door, though, he knocked again. Lighter this time, because he knew she was right there beside the door, probably debating with herself if she should open it or not.

And he hated it. He hated that she was doubting if she should let him come into her home or not, when a few months ago, he knew that wouldn’t have been a problem.

“Felicity…” he whispered, knowing that she would hear him. There was only that stupid door between them, after all. And maybe a lot of unsaid things, but that was a different matter. “Please, open the door. I need to talk to you. Please, hon…”

Suddenly the door was being thrown open and Oliver was rooted to the spot, not knowing what to do next. He had seen Felicity sad before, and angry, and exhausted. But he couldn't remember ever seeing all of it at once.

She looked so upset he could barely pay attention to her anger at first, her red rimmed eyes making his heart hurt, because it was so obvious she had been crying. But then she was jabbing a finger into his chest and her angry words finally registered in his brain.

“Don’t call me that! It’s not fair, Oliver!” her voice cracked at his name and that’s when he understood why she was trying to poke a hole in his chest with her finger, why she sounded so angry.

Oh… That “hon” had just... slipped. It wasn't like he would take it back, but he didn't say it on purpose either. And it looked like Felicity thought he was just trying to butter her up. The thought that she could believe that to be the case was upsetting.

He was already beating himself up for hurting her so much, playing with her feelings like that was something he could never imagine doing. If she knew the variety of terms of endearment he had for her in his own head, Felicity would realize how wrong she was. He just never used them out loud before.

The next time she tried to jab her finger into his chest, angry words still spilling out of her mouth but losing steam with every syllable, leaving her looking like she was about to start crying again any second now, Oliver stepped through the open door and pulled her to his chest.

Felicity froze, the words dying in her throat. He couldn't blame her. Both times they had hugged before, she had been the one initiating it. She looked like she needed a hug, though. And to be honest, he didn't know what else to do right now. That mix of anger and sadness was throwing him off.

“What are you doing?” Her words came out muffled against his chest.

“Hugging you,” he answered simply, kicking the door shut behind him.

“Why?” She was a little (or a lot) confused right now. Oliver never hugged her like this before and she didn’t know what to make of it.

“You looked like you could use a hug.” Apparently he wasn’t a complete fuck up when it came to Felicity and he could do or say the right thing occasionally.

Her tense body relaxed in his arms, her hands coming up to hold onto the back of his jacket and then she was pressing herself closer to him. The shaky breath that left her made him hug her tighter, right hand coming up to run through her long hair, trying to soothe whatever pain she was clearly in right now.

And Oliver was so glad that she was letting him do it, that she just buried her face into his chest and let him comfort her. After the way he had talked to her earlier, it wouldn’t surprise him if Felicity didn’t want to be anywhere near him. And yet, here she was, holding onto him and trusting that he would be there for her if she needed him, even when things were so complicated between them.

“I... really needed a hug.” Her small voice made him want to punch something.

Instead of letting the anger get the best of him again, Oliver took a deep breath and rested his chin on top of her head. Sometimes he forgot how small she was physically, because Felicity was a force to be reckoned with most of the time. Right now, though… With her barefooted and holding onto him so tightly, barely reaching his chin in height, he could swear that he would be able to wrap himself all around her and there wouldn’t be a spot left uncovered. But he knew that wasn’t what she needed, no matter how much he wanted to wrap her in bubble wrap and protect her from the world.

The one thing he learned in the last few months seeing Laurel’s words and his own inability to tell Felicity the things he should have told her a long time ago chip at her armor more and more every day, was that what she needed was someone to be there for her, someone to lean on when things got rough. He would never be able to protect her from everything, but he could be that person for her, like she always had been for him.

Diggle had told him that he was taking the choice away from her and he was right. Oliver had been the one making the choices for them, telling himself that he was protecting her, but was he really protecting her when all he did was hurting her in the process?

No matter what he told himself to justify his actions, he only had been protecting his own heart. The idea of having Felicity and then losing her because he was always a fuck up when it came to relationships was unthinkable. But maybe... maybe he could do better this time. Maybe she could teach him, right?

“I can feel you thinking,” she whispered, nuzzling her face into his chest like a small, adorable cat. It made him smile. She was so cute.

“I should be apologizing,” he answered, rubbing her back softly when he felt her tensing slightly again. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, Felicity. Laurel pissed me off and I dumped my frustrations on you. That wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t want you to fight,” she stepped away to look up at him and his hands fell away from her, but then her eyes were averted. “Much less because of me.”

“Because of you?” The incredulity in his tone was obvious even to his own ears. “Felicity, none of this is your fault. Laurel is a big girl, her actions are not your responsibility.”

“I know… I know how much she means to you.” His partner’s words made it seem like she hadn’t even listened to him.

“So what? You were trying to spare my feelings?” Her only response was to shrug her shoulders, but that was all the answer he needed. He sighed deeply and just shook his head in exasperation. “Felicity…”

If there was something Oliver hated about Felicity’s very empathetic nature was how she always put everyone else's needs and feelings above her own. She never saw herself as a priority, no matter what she was going through or how much she was hurting.

Grasping her by the shoulders, he pushed her back gently until the back of her knees hit the couch and she sat down, looking up at him for only a second before her eyes were averted again, this time to her own hands twisting nervously in her lap. He hated that she was so anxious around him all of a sudden, but the last few months had been rough and he could understand why she would be feeling like that.

What Oliver wanted was to crouch down in front of her and make her look at him, but with how on edge she seemed to be, he realized that wouldn't help at all. Not when she could barely keep her eyes on him. He sat down next to her instead, but not too close so she wouldn’t feel crowded.

“I don’t want you to do this.” He told her sincerely, his tone going soft without him even trying. Apparently that was just how he was around Felicity, so much softer around the edges than with most people. “I don’t want you trying to spare my feelings at the expense of your own. Stop acting like your feelings matter less than mine or everyone else’s.”

“It’s not like that. It’s just that… It’s _Laurel_.” Felicity whispered, like that explained everything. It didn’t. “She’s your oldest friend, the only person you still have from… before.”

“I don’t care if it’s Laurel or Amanda Waller, or even the damn president, Felicity. No one has the right to make you feel this way. If I have to fight people to make them understand this, then so be it. I'll fight them any day.” The conviction in his tone made her breath catch for a second, before she gave him a tiny nod in acceptance to his words.

Felicity still wouldn’t look at him, but he knew her well enough to see she was trying to make sense of something in her head. He used the time to exam her, from her makeup free face (and the adorable freckles on her nose) to her lilac tank top and the cupcakes all over her baby blue pajama pants. Pajama pants full of cupcakes… Such a Felicity thing. She really was the most adorable thing he had ever come across.

“Have I done something wrong? To her, I mean. I really can’t think of anything. I barely know her,” she finally looked at him, brows furrowed and big blue eyes blinking in confusion, like he could provide her with an explanation to Laurel’s behavior.

This time, though, he did have the answer she was looking for. He knew exactly why Laurel was acting that way and if his IT girl wasn’t so upset, she probably would have understood by now, especially after the things Laurel said to him that night. But she was upset to the point of receding into her own mind and he didn’t think she paid attention to half of what was said between him and Laurel.

“Felicity…” He took a deep breath, trying to find his words. He knew he should be honest with her and just tell her Laurel was jealous. It would take Felicity no time whatsoever to catch up to what he was saying if he told her that, but it seemed he still wasn’t brave enough to go there. Not yet. “You’ve done nothing wrong. Nothing Laurel says or does is on you.”

His words were completely honest. Nothing about what had happened was Felicity’s fault, but he should know better than to try to keep things from her, because Felicity knew him better than anyone and she could tell when he wasn’t telling her everything. And that only made her close herself off again.

He could see the hurt in her eyes before she shut it down. A blank expression took over her face before she was getting up from the couch to put some physical distance between them. The physical distance was nothing compared to the emotional abyss that he felt just kept getting bigger, though.

“I’m going to bed. Thanks for stopping by. You know where the spare key is, lock the door when you leave.” Before he could even think about something to say, she disappeared through the hallway and he heard her bedroom door closing forcefully a moment later.

She closed that door with so much finality that Oliver could do nothing but panic for a second. Why? Why couldn't he just tell her? What if he had just pushed her too far? What if she decided nothing of this was worth it? What if she decided she could do better things with her life than hanging out at a dark steel cave, trying to understand his emotionally constipated self?

Wait, now he was just being ridiculous.

Felicity wasn't going anywhere. She certainly wasn't leaving because of something like that. He had no illusions about why she was part of the team and that had nothing to do with whatever she might feel for him and everything to do with her wanting to make the city a better place. Because that was just who she was.

Oliver knew he should respect her wishes and leave, but he couldn't move out of the couch. He couldn't leave her knowing how upset she was. Okay, to be completely honest… This was mostly for his own benefit. He didn’t think he could be anywhere else right now.

With a deep sigh, Oliver got up only long enough to lock the door and turn off the lights, before navigating his way back to the couch in the dark. He kicked off his shoes and took off his jacket before settling down on Felicity's tiny couch, pulling down the woolen quilt that was over the back of the couch and spreading it over himself. He had slept in worse places. He doubted there would be much sleep involved in his night anyway with the way his mind was spinning.

Felicity would probably use her loud voice on him when she found him still there the next morning (he wasn't looking forward to that), but at least she would know he cared, right? Or she would think he was just too tired to drive back to the foundry.

Right now, though, it didn’t really matter. He wasn’t going anywhere and he could deal with the rest when the time came. Hopefully by morning, he would be brave enough to tell her what she deserved to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta and English isn't my first language so any and every mistake you might encounter is mine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The impatient people on Twitter said I should update it today instead of Wednesday, so here we are. I'm dreading having to say goodbye to Olicity tomorrow, I'm gonna miss them so damn much. But fear not, this fic isn't going anywhere just because the show is getting to an end. I'm gonna see this thing to the finish line.
> 
> PS: I feel like I should include a warning for panic attacks in here. So if you think reading it might trigger something for you, please skip this.

Oliver didn't know when he fell asleep. One minute he was staring at the ceiling and the next thing he knew was that he was jerking awake by someone calling for him.

It took him a second to remember where he was and realize Felicity had been the one screaming his name. He almost tripped over his feet trying to unwrap the woolen quilt from around his legs in his haste to get to her in the dark, every terrible thing that could make her scream for him like that crossing his mind in rapid succession.

Her bedroom door was still closed from when she went to sleep and he could hear no movement coming from the other side. But then again, with the rush of blood pulsing in his ears, that wasn’t surprising.

Taking the doorknob in his hand, Oliver pushed the door open lightly, peeking inside her room before a relieved sigh escaped him. His relief was short-lived, though. Even if he could clearly see she was alone and wasn't physically hurt in any way, she still didn't look okay.

Her bedside lamp was casting a dim light around the room, but it was enough for him to see how Felicity had her back against the headboard. She was holding her bent legs against her chest and had her face hidden in her knees. With the door open, Oliver could also hear her soft whimpers and see how she was shaking with the effort of trying to keep everything in. The sight of her like that felt like being punched in the stomach.

He was by her side before he could even make the conscious decision to move, sitting on the edge of the bed. She didn't acknowledge his presence, though. At least not until he tried to touch her. The minute his hand made contact with her arm, she jerked away from him violently, her back banging against the headboard in her attempt to get away.

A pained sob and vacant, tear filled eyes was all he got.

“Hey… it’s just me. It’s Oliver,” he said softly, raising his hands in a placating manner for her to see he wouldn't try to touch her again. “It’s okay, you’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you, Felicity.”

Her brows furrowed like she was trying so hard to understand what he was saying and the tears in her eyes spilled over. He honestly couldn't tell if it was because she was so terrified of something or because she was frustrated that she seemed unable to pull herself out of whatever was happening to her.

When she pressed her hand to her chest and her breathing turned even more irregular, her shaking getting more violent by the second, Oliver understood what was wrong. How did it take him this long to see she was having a panic attack? He knew what those looked like. Knew what they _felt_ like.

He didn’t know what had triggered this, but he needed to make her relax. With the way she was breathing, she was going to hyperventilate soon. “You need to distract her,” he thought to himself, trying to find anything that would grab her attention to pull her out of it.

“Hey, tell me about that tv show you love. The one you go on and on about when we have a slow night in the foundry. Maybe I’ll give it a try,” he tried to coax her out of her own head, but she only stared at him with wild, scared eyes.

He felt like the way she stared at him was her way of asking how the hell he wanted her to speak about anything when she could barely breathe. And then she was mumbling about needing to get out of there, her labored breathing making it so hard for her to push the words out, before she kicked the bed covers away from her feet and left the room in a hurry.

Oliver knew exactly how scary a panic attack could be. How terrible the paralyzing fear was, trapping you in your own mind and how it only became more terrifying when you felt like there was no air getting to your lungs and that you would pass out any moment from the lack of oxygen and never wake up again.

He also knew that being alone with your own thoughts wasn’t helpful at all so he followed her to the living room, keeping a safe distance between them so he wouldn’t make her feel even worse by being crowded. Seeing her doubled over the back of the couch, desperately trying to suck air into her lungs... Oliver knew that vision would haunt him for a long time.

“There’s nothing for you to be afraid of. It’s just the two of us, Felicity. You are home and nothing in here is going to hurt you. I promise you’re safe. I’m right here with you,” Oliver reassured her, taking measured steps closer.

He wanted to tell her again how he was there with her, how he wouldn’t let anyone or anything hurt her, but the archer knew from experience that it wouldn’t help. Words didn’t mean a thing when you couldn’t listen to it. She needed to _feel_ safe, to feel like she _could_ breathe.

“I’m going to touch you, okay?” he asked softly, raising his hand in her direction slowly so he wouldn’t spook her.

When she didn’t jerk away like before the moment his hand reached her back, he decided that it was safe enough to get closer and that she wouldn’t hurt herself trying to get away from him in a panic. She would probably have a bruise on her back from how hard she hit the headboard and the last thing he wanted was for her to hurt herself even more.

He stepped right next to her, running his hand over her back in a soothing caress. Her long hair was hiding most of her face with the way she was doubled over the back of the couch, but he could see that the tears were still streaming down her face and her skin was damp with sweat. A low whimper escaped her lips in the middle of her sharp intakes of breath, but she didn't try to pull away.

“I’m going to move you, okay? Remember it’s just me, Felicity. I would never, ever hurt you. I just want you to feel better, alright?” his words made her turn her head to stare at him and her eyes... Dear lord, it was like she was begging for him to help her.

Without giving her too much time to maybe panic again, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her away from the position she was in. The small sob that left her with the sudden movement made him hate himself a little, but he only turned around and slid down the back of the couch, sitting on the floor and pulling Felicity in between the v of his legs, her back to his chest. His free hand found hers and Oliver let her hold onto him tightly when her shaking came back full force.

“I’m so sorry for scaring you. But I promise you’re safe in here.” He would repeat the same words for the whole night if that’s what it took.

Oliver kept his arm around her waist, keeping her safely against him, but not tight enough that she wouldn’t be able to move if she wanted to get away. If she didn’t want him to touch her then he wouldn’t touch her, but she gave no indication that she wanted to move away from him. Her irregular breathing was worrying him, though.

“You need to breathe, Felicity. C’mon, you can feel my chest, right? Just breathe with me,” he whispered into her ear softly, trying to calm her (and himself) down.

“Oli… Oliver….” His name came out choked in between gasping breaths. “I… can’t… can’t breathe.”

“Yes, you can. You’re not suffocating. I would never let that happen. Just feel my chest and breathe with me. You can feel the air getting to your lungs.” Oliver could tell she was trying. She was trying so hard to match his breaths, to come out of that panic attack.

“Doc… tor… Who,” she whispered suddenly, trying to focus on the rise and fall of his chest behind her and not on the terrifying feeling of not being able to get enough oxygen. “The… tv sh… show…”

She couldn't get more out with the big gulp of air she had to take, but at least now he knew Felicity had heard him before. She was trying to follow his lead and distract herself, trying to focus on something else that wasn't her own body rebelling against her.

“Is that the one you keep talking about? The one about the alien with the two hearts?” Because of course his IT girl would love a show about someone with two hearts. With a big heart like she had, that seemed right up her alley. When she nodded at his question, Oliver kissed her temple softly and pulled her closer to his chest, taking even breaths to encourage her to do the same. “Will you tell me about it?”

It took longer than he would have liked, but in between gasping breaths and broken sentences, her breathing started going back to normal and even though she was still holding his hand so tight, the shaking was subsiding too.

He kept nudging her on. Every time she stopped talking, Oliver would ask her questions about this favorite show of hers. He kept her talking, kept her distracted, breathing steadily behind her so she would do the same. It felt like a lifetime later to Oliver but it probably wasn’t much longer than 20 minutes when she sagged against him, so exhausted that her hand went slack in his, but finally breathing normally again.

“Are you okay?” he asked her softly, squeezing her hand.

“I guess… Tired, though,” Felicity mumbled in response, wriggling in his arms to get more comfortable.

“Do you want to go back to bed?” Oliver pushed her hair away from her forehead gently, wisps of it sticking to her damp skin. She shook her head in reply to his question.

“I feel gross, need to shower.” Her body didn’t seem to want to cooperate with her, though. “But I don’t think I can get up yet.”

“It’s okay, take your time.” The archer loosened his hold on her when she tried to move, but Felicity only ended up huffing in annoyance with herself and turning on her side.

She quieted down when she found a comfortable enough position, pulling both of her legs over his left one and sighing deeply when she pressed her ear to his chest. Her shoulder was digging into Oliver’s sternum, but that was the least of his worries right now.

His mind was running a mile a minute, wondering how long this has been going on without him having any idea, how long she has been suffering like this in silence. Or maybe it wasn’t so silent? Did Diggle know about this?

Oliver got so deep into his own thoughts that it took him some time to realize his IT girl had fallen asleep against his chest. The fist that had been squeezing his heart since he woke up with her scream loosened slightly with the relaxed expression on her face.

Getting them both off the floor without waking her up was a bit harder than he would have liked and his knee complained about it, but he paid it no mind and carried her back to her room. All his trouble was for nothing, though. As soon as he put her down in her bed, Felicity’s eyes shot wide open.

“Oliver?” Her small voice pulled at his heartstrings.

“Everything’s okay,” he gave her a reassuring smile, pulling the covers over her legs before crouching down beside the bed and pushing the hair away from her face. “I know I didn’t ask before, but I hope you don’t mind me crashing on your couch for the night. Call me if you need anything.”

He could swear he never saw Felicity move so fast before. Oliver barely had time to shuffle away from the bed before she was lunging for him and trying to pull him back by the arm, shaking her head frantically, big blue eyes staring intently at him. It was obvious she didn’t want to be alone right now.

Not wanting to upset her again, he let his tiny partner maneuver him whichever way she wanted, and he ended up lying down on his side. She faced him for a few seconds before rolling around to turn off the bedside lamp.

“Goodnight, Oliver,” she whispered, plunging them in darkness.

“Goodnight, Felicity,” his reply came accompanied by a sigh when he realized she wasn’t planning on turning back to him again.

Oliver knew he should let her rest, let her sleep. He knew a panic attack could be exhausting and on top of that, her day hadn't been all that good (neither were the last few months, if he was being honest). The archer was aware of how hypocritical of him it was to push her to talk when he was so bad at it himself, but making sure she knew he was there if she did want to talk wasn’t pushing her, was it?

“I know things haven’t been… easy lately. And I know some of it is my fault. That’s why I came here tonight, to talk to you. But I also know you had a bad day and the last thing I want is to upset you even more.” The only answer he got was a sharp intake of breath, but that was okay. He wasn’t expecting her to talk. He just needed her to listen. “I told you once that you could talk to me if you ever needed to tell someone about your day. I hope you know that hasn’t changed. I’m not very good at sharing, but I’ll always listen to whatever you have to say.”

“I know.” The hoarse whisper came accompanied by a sniffle. She really needed to get a grip on her emotions. Everything made her cry lately and Felicity was so over it. She was so tired of feeling off-kilter. “I just… didn’t know how.”

What Oliver wanted right now was to reach out to her, pull her into his arms and comfort her any way he could, but he fought the urge. Her panic attack just made him react and she had been too out of it to deny his touch or push him away, but he still remembered the way she froze in his arms when he hugged her earlier.

He hated that this was how she reacted to him lately. The thing was… He knew that this was on him, that this was something he'd imposed on them. Felicity was a very tactile person; she had no qualms about touching other people. Diggle was on the receiving end of her affection frequently, especially in the last few months.

He lost count of how many times he got down to the foundry to be met with Felicity buried into Dig’s arms like she needed the other man to hold her up for a few seconds since everything went down with Slade and that thing with Laurel started. The way she touched Dig so freely like she thrived on physical affection, be it a hug or a kiss to the cheek... Oliver couldn’t say he wasn’t jealous of how uncomplicated his friends’ relationship was sometimes.

But he also didn’t blame her for reacting the way she did tonight. He wasn’t like that. Oliver was more reserved and Felicity knew that. They hugged before, yes. But she was the one hugging him in the past, not the other way around. Not to say he never touched her, but a hand on her shoulder or squeezing her hand wasn’t the same. In the last few months, as things got more and more difficult between them, he couldn’t bring himself to do even that.

And _that_ only made things even worse. Oliver could see that she started holding herself back from touching him as well when she realized he wouldn’t even lay a hand on her shoulder like he used to before. It’s not that he didn’t want to touch her, but he felt like he didn’t deserve to get his hands anywhere close to her when all he did was causing her pain.

He could see how stupid that thinking was now. The more he held himself back, the more he hurt her and the more he hurt her, the more he felt like he didn’t deserve her. Things just snowballed out of control and now here they were, with Felicity feeling so uncomfortable with him touching her because she probably thought _he_ was uncomfortable with it. Which wasn’t true at all. His problem with it was more on the side of “if I let myself touch her as freely as I want, I’ll never stop and she deserves better than me”, and much less on the side of “I’m uncomfortable with it.”

Oliver knew that was something else they needed to talk about, but he had no idea how to bring that particular subject up. The archer was pulled out of his thoughts when Felicity turned around to lie on her back.

“Stop thinking so loud,” she elbowed him in the chest while wrestling with the covers and trying to get comfortable.

“No need to get aggressive,” he teased her, rubbing the spot on his chest she had hit.

She mumbled something he didn’t really understand before she gave up on the covers with an annoyed huff and kicked it all down her legs. He had no idea how she had made such a mess of it just trying to turn around, but her annoyance with it made him chuckle.

“Laugh at me again and I’m kicking _you_ out.” The warning had absolutely no heat behind it and it only accomplished the opposite of what she wanted. He chuckled again, much to her exasperation. “That’s it.”

Felicity turned on her side to face him, pushing him and threatening to roll him right off the bed. It wasn’t that easy, though. He was a lot bigger than her and on top of that, he was all muscle.

She didn’t know where the playfulness had come from so suddenly when things hadn’t been easy between them lately, but she wouldn’t question it. Not when she was finally not feeling suffocated by an overwhelming sadness, at least in this exact moment. Maybe things were just easier in the dark.

She yelped when Oliver wrapped his arms around her and rolled them over until she was the one on the edge of the bed. Felicity knew he wouldn’t drop her, that he would never do something that could hurt her. Knowing that didn’t make her hold onto his shirt any less tight, though.

“If I’m falling off this bed, you’re coming with me,” he sounded so amused she tried to kick him in the shin in retaliation, but she only ended up wrapping her leg around his when he pretended to lose his grip on her.

“Oliver!” She knew he wouldn’t let her fall, but she still wrapped herself around him like a baby koala. “Fine, you can stay!”

“Humm, I don’t know. You don’t sound very convincing.” He pretended to lose his grip again.

“No!” She held onto him for dear life, laughing at his threat of dropping her.

He couldn’t even remember the last time he heard her laughing or saw her truly smile before now, but the archer knew it had been a long time. All he wanted was to keep her like that, keep her happy. But maybe it was time to pull her back to the safe side of the bed. Oliver would never forgive himself if he accidentally hurt her when he was just trying to make her laugh.

Felicity was still giggling with her face pressed into his neck when he rolled them over to the middle of the bed and neither of them let go of each other, even if she wasn’t holding onto his shirt as tightly as before. She seemed to forget all about the last few months for a minute because she raised her head to press a kiss to his cheek when her laughter died down. And then she froze the same way it had happened sooner that night already.

“Sorry,” she whispered, trying to pull away from him and Oliver could feel all the lightness of the last few minutes slipping away.

“It’s okay,” he reassured her, rubbing the small of her back to try to make her relax.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Her words made him sigh. If there was ever a time he hated being right about something, it was right now.

“I’m not the one trying to pull away.” _That_ made her stop squirming in his arms.

“Maybe not now but… I mean, the last few months…” she couldn’t find the words to explain herself, but she didn’t need to. Oliver knew exactly what she meant.

Perhaps now was a good moment to tell her, to explain why he had been acting like an idiot. Maybe the darkness would help and the words would actually come out this time. But then he felt one of her hands moving between them and he could make out Felicity covering her mouth in a long yawn. Just because he had been able to make her laugh, didn’t mean her exhaustion suddenly disappeared.

Tomorrow. He could do this tomorrow, after she slept for a decent amount of hours. He had no idea what time it was now (he knew it was late since it was almost midnight when he got there), but he knew her shift at Tech Village (one more thing he felt very guilty about, thank you very much) didn’t start until late morning. They would have time to talk.

“I owe you an explanation for a lot of things. And I do have one.” He let go of her gently and sat down, reaching for the covers that Felicity had kicked down to the end of the bed. “It makes little to no sense in my own head now and you’ll probably say I was being stupid once I tell you, but I have one.”

She hadn’t moved, but he could feel her eyes on him while he tried to straighten the covers. It was a harder task than he expected since he couldn’t see a lot. Once Oliver felt that he got things sorted out, he lied back down on his back and pulled the covers over them.

“I know you’re tired, though. Panic attacks are no joke.” He didn’t want her to think he was just trying to avoid the topic again, so he quickly finished his train of thought. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay?”

His IT girl didn’t even make a sound for the next few seconds. Oliver could tell she was trying to decide how honest he was being with her and well… That stung a bit to be honest. She just mumbled an “okay” in the end and moved around a bit to get more comfortable.

The archer didn’t realize how tired he was until everything was still and silent around him. Felicity’s breathing deepened and if she wasn’t asleep already, she would be soon. He fought his own tiredness, not wanting to fall asleep until he was sure she had but then she whispered his name in the dark.

“Yeah,” he answered softly, not wanting to disturb her too much.

“I had a nightmare… earlier.” She sounded so drowsy he was pretty sure she was about to fall asleep any second now.

“So that’s what triggered the panic attack.” It wasn’t surprising. _He_ had nightmares triggering panic attacks before.

“I guess…” She went silent for so long that Oliver thought she had fallen asleep and he let his eyes close, but then she was mumbling again. “I couldn't… do anything, couldn't help you.”

Oh. That made his eyes shot open really quick. His heart clenched painfully when the meaning of her words registered in his brain. She had a nightmare about something happening to him and it scared her so much it triggered a panic attack. It also explained why she was screaming for him in the middle of the night when she didn’t even know he was still there.

He didn’t even know what to think. Was this the first time it happened? What could be so bad to trigger such a strong reaction like the one she had? Or was this a result of Felicity reaching her limit, like John said earlier, with everything that happened in the last few months? Maybe it was her brain’s way of dealing with all the stress.

Oliver wanted to ask, but he also didn’t want to bother her with this right now when she was so tired. He decided to leave his questions for tomorrow and just let her sleep for now. There were a lot of things they would need to talk about tomorrow anyway. He would just add this to the list.

Turning on his side to face her, he arranged the covers more snugly around her shoulders. His tiny partner looked even smaller when she hummed in contentment and buried herself further under the covers.

“Goodnight, Felicity.” Smiling at the small lump beside him, Oliver closed his eyes again and finally let sleep overcome him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta and English isn't my first language so any and every mistake you might encounter is mine.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's been a whole week without Olicity and I miss them so much T.T  
> But at least they're gonna be forever together. No more missing each other, no more fear of losing each other, no more backstabber "friends" to mess with their lives. They'll finally know some peace, so that makes me happy.
> 
> Anyway, I think this is the longest chapter so far. We finally got to "the talk" ;)

Oliver had been woken up in some rude ways before in his life, but he could say with 100% certainty that it was the first time he woke up because he was smacked in the chin.

It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the clarity that Felicity’s curtains didn't cancel fully. It took even longer for his brain to comprehend that the woman herself was sprawled all over him in a way that explained perfectly how he got hit in the face.

He held in his chuckle, not wanting to wake her up and embarrass her. The archer took some time to try to understand how they ended up like that, though. He remembered clearly how they fell asleep facing each other, with the covers pulled over them.

Now the covers were somehow tangled at the end of the bed and he was pretty sure Felicity had been the one to kick them off again. He wasn’t one to move a lot in his sleep so that was obviously all her fault. Oliver was on his back, his left arm stretched across the bed and tingling because his partner had been using his bicep as a pillow for only God knew how long. Her actual pillow had been pushed down somehow and was now resting beside her hip.

Felicity was belly down on the mattress, limbs all spread out. Her right arm was stretched out across the bed and her left arm was over his chest (certainly the culprit for smacking him in the chin). Her left leg was thrown over both of his, her foot dangling off the edge of the bed and that was another thing he didn’t understand. He had no idea how they ended up so close to the edge. His right arm was almost falling off the bed.

He didn’t know how she could be in such a deep slumber in the position she was in (her neck would complain later, his bicep was not a good pillow), but her face was turned towards him and she looked more relaxed than he had seen her in a long time. Oliver really didn’t want to disturb her when she looked so peaceful, but since he was already awake, he felt like he could be productive.

It took some maneuvering for him to be able to get out from underneath his IT girl’s stray limbs without waking her up, but he got there in the end. After getting a real pillow under her head and pulling the covers over her body, he left the room silently.

After using the bathroom, Oliver decided to get acquainted with Felicity's kitchen and get started on breakfast. It wasn’t long before he heard her moving around the place, but instead of coming to the kitchen to investigate what he was doing after getting out of the bathroom, she went back to the bedroom. Oliver assumed she went back to bed. With the night she had, he didn’t blame her.

He let her sleep for a little longer while he finished what he was doing. After everything was ready, Oliver found a breakfast tray that looked like it hadn’t been used in a long time. He wiped the tray before arranging her breakfast into it to take it to her, so she wouldn't have to get out of bed just yet.

Felicity was curled up on her side, holding a pillow to her chest like a teddy bear, but she let go of the pillow and turned around to look at him when Oliver stepped through the door. Her sluggish moves and the way she rubbed her eyes told him she had been dozing off.

She stretched out with a yawn (it reminded Oliver of an adorable little kitten for some reason) before sitting up and arranging a pillow behind her back so she could lean against the headboard comfortably.

“Something smells good. Did you make me breakfast?” she asked, eyeing the tray he was carrying, clearly interested in the coffee mug sitting on it.

“What, this? I just brought it here so I would have company. You can have one of those five different types of cereal sitting on your cupboard”, he teased her, but sat the tray in her lap anyway.

“I’m not much of a cook.” A slightly blush colored her cheeks, but it had more to do with Oliver making her breakfast than admitting she couldn’t cook.

“I could tell by the amount of takeout leftovers in your fridge.” Oliver sat down beside her, placing a pillow behind his back like she had done and leaning against the headboard too.

“I’m afraid of setting the kitchen on fire," Felicity shrugged, bringing the coffee mug to her lips for a sip. “That’s how bad I am at cooking.”

“Well, you can’t be good at everything.” His IT girl was already too good at too many things. “Finally found your flaw.”

When Felicity dropped the fork back to her plate with an untouched piece of scrambled egg in it that had been midway to her mouth, the archer realized that she had seen no joke in his words. She just stared at him, her expression suddenly serious, like he was a complex math problem that she was trying to solve.

“Being a bad cook isn’t my _only_ flaw, Oliver.” Felicity pushed the breakfast tray away, got up and left the room without another word.

A few seconds later she came back just to pick up the tray, mumbling she was hungry and the food smelled too good, before giving him the nasty eye and leaving the room again, taking her breakfast along this time and leaving behind a very confused archer.

Wasn’t it clear that he was going for a joke? Maybe he should start trying to joke around more, because he was very bad at it and needed some practice if that was the reaction he was eliciting. Although, it seemed that everything he said or did lately only managed to make Felicity either angry or upset, so maybe the problem was Oliver himself.

He had been awake for less than an hour and the archer already could feel a headache coming. The sad part was that he had no one but himself to blame for this mess. And now it was time to put on his big boy pants and fix the situation. Well, not _now_ because Felicity deserved at least some time to eat her breakfast in peace.

Oliver stayed there, trying to figure out how to tackle the issue in his mind. He was good at strategizing. Just not when it came to feelings apparently, because ten minutes later, he still had no idea how to even start the conversation. With a deep sigh, he decided to make the bed to give his partner a little more time to finish her breakfast.

After stalling for a few more minutes to be on the safe side, he left the bedroom in search of his IT girl. He found her at the kitchen sink, scrubbing the fork she had used at breakfast like her life depended on it. She was clearly angry and her poor cutlery was paying the price for it.

“I don’t think it’s gonna get cleaner than that,” he said lightly, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Felicity huffed at his words but ignored him completely otherwise, still scrubbing away (she went from the fork to the plate) with more vigor than necessary.

“Oh, I see. I’m getting the silent treatment. Can you at least tell me why? You can keep ignoring me after if that’s what you want.” When she kept doing the dishes in silence, Oliver had to remind himself that she was upset about something and him getting upset at her for it wouldn’t help the situation.

She finished what she was doing without uttering a single word and once everything was put away to dry, she turned around and leaned back against the sink. Her posture was tense, her expression guarded and her eyes filled with a sadness that he couldn’t understand.

“Felicity, talk to me,” he pleaded, pushing away from the counter and crossing the kitchen to get closer to her.

“Same way you talk to me?” Felicity sidestepped him and left the kitchen before he could process the bitter tone in her voice.

She didn’t want that. She didn’t want to be bitter, didn’t want to be angry at him and upset, but she understood everything a lot better now than she did last night and it made her so mad. He was such an idiot.

Oliver followed her out of the kitchen and he kept asking her to talk to him, to tell him what he had said wrong this time so he could fix it. All she wanted, though, was for him to shut up for a second so she could calm down and think properly. But he kept pushing and pushing and she just... lost it. This conversation was long overdue anyway.

“Do you want to talk? Do you want _me_ to talk to _you_? Fine!” Felicity rounded on him, all angry words and sad eyes. “I know you so well that sometimes it feels like I’ve known you my whole life. And because I know you so well, I also know that what happened at the mansion wasn’t just for Slade’s benefit. You were never good at lying to me.”

Shit. Oliver should have known that this would come back to bite him in the ass before he could properly explain to her why he had been acting like a fool.

“Even knowing you as well as I do, I couldn’t understand what was going on with you these past few months. Not until your little quip about finally finding my flaw.” Honestly, how could he be this dense? “But I am very smart and I can see what you were doing now. And I need you to listen to what I’m about to say, because I’m only saying this once.”

The archer was pretty sure that this would have gone better if he was the one telling her his reasonings for everything, instead of Felicity being the one figuring it out by herself, but it was too late now. She _was_ very smart.

“I am not some perfect, innocent little girl that you’re going to taint. I’m not all sunshine and rainbows, Oliver. You’re not going to corrupt me with your “darkness” or whatever stupidity you filled your head with to justify these past few months,” her tone was firm to get her point across but held none of the bitterness from before.

After months of sorrow because she couldn’t understand why he was acting the way he was (and Laurel making everything worse), she was tired of feeling like this. Felicity didn’t want to be constantly mad at him and the sadness was too heavy and tiresome to deal with for this long. All she wanted was for him to understand. And she knew she had found the crux of the problem just by the way he dropped heavily into the couch.

Oliver wasn’t heartless. If anything, she knew he felt things deeper than most people, even if he wasn’t good at showing it. He had one of the biggest hearts she had ever seen and on top of that, he was so protective of the people he cared about.

She knew that making him see how his actions had hurt her would hurt him too. And Felicity didn’t want that, she didn’t want them to hurt each other. But she also knew that she didn’t have a choice. If she let him get away with it, even if his intentions had been noble in his head, he would keep doing it. And that was just wrong. She deserved better than that, she had a right to have a say about whatever happened in her own life.

“Do you even realize that the hug you gave me when you got here last night was the first time you’ve touched me in months? You’ve been avoiding being too close to me.” She sounded hurt even to her own ears. But then again, it wasn’t like she was trying to hide it. “Just yesterday… Before you left with Diggle and Roy to patrol, you were standing right there beside my chair. And I saw you move your hand, like you were going to rest it on my shoulder like you used to, but you caught yourself at the last second and pulled back. And then you left without a word. You didn’t even say goodbye.”

By his sharp intake of breath and the way he pitched forward, elbows in his legs and head in his hands, Felicity was pretty sure that he had expected that she hadn’t caught his little slip yesterday. Well, tough luck.

“Laurel… Well, I guess she saw it too. And I know I shouldn’t let her get into my head. I should have seen sooner that she’s just bitter and jealous, but it’s hard not to let her get to me when you give me reasons to believe her. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be here.” She dropped into the couch beside him, so tired again all of a sudden that she felt like going back to bed. “I’m your tech support, your partner, when it comes to our night job. But outside of that… Even when things were a little hazy before, I knew we were at least friends. But then you said you loved me and everything went sideways. I felt like I lost my friend too. And what for? Because you think I’m too good for you?”

Oliver winced at the way she spit out that last question, like it was the most absurd thing she had ever heard. It was a good thing she just kept going when the archer opened his mouth to reply, because he really had no idea about what he could say that wouldn’t end up upsetting her even more.

“I need you to take me down from this damn pedestal you’ve put me in. One of these days I’m gonna fall on my face, Oliver. It’s going to hurt you when you realize I’m not as perfect as you seem to think I am. And then it’s going to hurt me for disappointing you.” It wasn’t fair that he put so much on her shoulders and she needed him to understand that. But she also could swear the air was crackling around them from how tense they both were and in true Felicity fashion, she wanted to make things lighter. They’ve had enough tension in the past few months. “You know I’m afraid of heights anyway.”

The surprised snort that came out of him, like he couldn’t possibly believe she was joking in the middle of such a serious conversation, made her shake her head slightly with a small smile. He knew her better than anyone. He shouldn’t doubt her abilities of pulling a joke out of nowhere.

“I don’t see how a pedestal could scare you that much when you’ve jumped out of an airplane before,” he bantered back, his hands dropping from his face as he relaxed back into the couch. He could feel the tension draining from him, his muscles unclenching. This… this he could deal with. It was so much better than Felicity being upset because of him.

“You didn’t see that plane, mister. Pretty sure I was safer out of it.” Her smile turned bashful and she could feel her cheeks heating up. Felicity knew there was no turning back from the direction she was going. “You should just accept I would jump out of any plane for you. You’re worth it.”

All he could do was whisper her name, the emotions choking him. He couldn’t remember anyone ever saying he was worth anything, much less being worth jumping out of a plane for.

“I know you don’t see it, but you are. And don’t you dare trying to argue with me about this,” she answered fiercely. She wouldn’t let anyone doubt the truthfulness of her words, not even Oliver himself.

The archer didn’t think he could love her more than he already did, but he was obviously wrong about that. He wasn’t religious, but he would spend the rest of his days thanking every deity out there for putting this remarkable woman in his life.

But this was also what he meant about Felicity being too good for him. She gave him her trust, friendship and affection so freely. Her fierce belief in him was what kept him sane, what kept him fighting in the worst of times. Instead of protecting those precious gifts she bestowed upon him without a second thought, all he did was hurting her in return.

“How can you… after what I’ve put you through…” He couldn’t understand how it was possible for her to sit there after everything and still tell him he was worth it.

She turned around, pulling on his hand until he mimicked her position and they were facing each other. Felicity didn’t look at him, though. The IT girl lingered on their clasped hands for long seconds, trying to keep her heart from beating out of her chest.

She didn’t know why she was so nervous when she already knew how he felt about her. But maybe that was the thing. Because she knew he loved her and he still pushed her away. Maybe telling him wouldn’t change a thing and she had no idea how she would move on from that.

Shutting her brain off for a second, Felicity let her heart take the wheel. As incredible as her brain was, it always made her overthink when it came to her partner and how she felt about him.

“I love you, Oliver.” She raised her eyes in time to see his expression going from guarded to wide-eyed and awed, like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. It was as endearing as it was exasperating. Has he not been paying attention at all? It wasn’t like she was good at hiding it. “I’ve been half in love with you since I found you bleeding in the backseat of my car. Maybe even earlier. And you being a noble moron, thinking you’re doing what’s best for me by staying away won’t change that.”

Oliver knew that what she felt for him went beyond the physical attraction, he wasn't all that dense. But he didn’t think anything could have prepared him for how it would feel to hear Felicity saying she loved him. Nothing could prepare him for how his heart felt too big for his chest, for the wild flutter in his stomach that made him feel like he was in free fall. Or the terrifying thought that he would screw up everything and hurt her more than he already did.

It was easy (well, not easy but definitely _easier_ ) to overlook how he had been hurting her during the last few months without having Felicity’s voice in his head saying she loved him. But how would he be able to live with himself if he told her that he wasn’t ready for any of that? Knowing how she felt? He didn’t want to be responsible for breaking her heart.

The archer leaned back against the couch and pulled on his partner until she was nestled against his chest, with both of his arms around her, keeping her close. It was easier to put his thoughts in order without having to see her looking at him like she was willing to give him her heart on a platter if he asked for it.

“Just tell me what’s on your mind,” she whispered gently when Oliver buried his face in her hair with a pained sigh.

“I don’t want to hurt you again.” He cringed internally at how much he sounded like a whiny 5-year-old instead of an adult.

“You told me last night you came here because you wanted to talk to me. So talk to me. Please.” The IT girl pushed him away slightly to be able to look at him, her heart breaking at his lost expression. “Oliver…”

His arms tightened around her, pulling her close to his chest again like he was afraid she would bolt if she had a chance. His whole body trembled when he took a deep breath and it brought tears to her eyes. How could this man, that was holding her like she was something precious, that was so terrified of saying something that could hurt her to the point of shaking with anxiety, still think she deserved better than him?

“After the whole mess with Slade, things were so tense. I knew you were upset and I thought maybe you needed some space, so I kept my distance. But the longer that went on, the more hurt you looked. I knew it was my fault and I felt so guilty that my mind kept telling me I didn’t deserve to be anywhere near you when all I did was hurting you. I didn’t know how to fix things.” He didn’t know if he felt like the biggest coward for how long it took him to tell her this or the bravest person on earth for finally doing it. “I swear, Felicity… It was never my intention to hurt you.”

“I know that,” she replied, pushing her face into his chest and trying to keep the tears at bay. She didn’t want to give him something else to feel guilty about. It just… The way he didn’t seem to realize the problem in saying his mind kept telling him he didn’t deserve to be near her, how his own mind kept putting him down like that, made her so sad. “I never thought you were doing it on purpose. I know you better than that. And you’re a good man, Oliver. I hope you’ll see that yourself someday.”

He didn’t know if he would ever be able to see himself the way she did, but when Felicity spoke with so much conviction… In moments like these, he wanted to be better. He wanted to be the man she thought he had the potential to be. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? He wasn’t that man, at least not yet. And she deserved better than to serve as the glue for all of his broken pieces. Oliver refused to put all of that weight on her slim shoulders.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her hair. Oliver felt like his world was caving in with the way his IT girl tensed, her small fist holding his shirt tightly, like she was bracing herself to have her heart crushed. And he hated it. He hated that he was about to hurt her again. “I don’t… I don’t know how to do this. I don’t think I’m ready. Not yet.”

Her mumbled “oh” and the way the tension seeped out of her or her little nod against his chest was so not what he was expecting. The tight hold she had on his shirt also relaxed and then the “okay” that escaped her sounded so relieved that the archer pushed her away gently to be able to look at her.

“Okay?” He was suddenly so very lost in the conversation.

“Okay,” she replied, her heart melting at the way he tilted his head at her like a confused puppy.

“You’re not… upset?” The archer knew he sounded very much not like himself at the moment. He was a bit puzzled about what was happening right now.

Oliver looked so unsure, so much like he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop, that Felicity felt a wave of affection hit her harder than she thought possible.

“You’re being honest with me. That’s all I wanted.” She cuddled up to his side again, resting her head on his shoulder. She knew she could get easily addicted to this, it felt so good to be so close to him. “I’m not going to push you into something you’re not ready for. I don’t think I’m ready either. The last few months were… complicated. Right now, I just want my friend back. I miss him.”

She knew her partner wasn’t very good at sharing his thoughts or feelings, but Felicity could tell he was overwhelmed just by the way he pulled her closer, wrapping her in his arms and burying his face in her hair. So she let him hold her. If this is what he needed after months of (admittedly self-imposed) emotional distress, who was she to deny him? It wasn’t like cuddling with Oliver Queen on her couch was the worst thing that ever happened to her.

And to be honest, she needed this too. The closeness, the reassurance that he wasn’t about to start pushing her away again… He had been right there all of these months, but he might as well had been miles away with how things had been between them. Missing someone that was only a few feet away most of the time was an odd feeling. It made Felicity acutely aware of the Oliver shaped space he had carved for himself in her heart.

A few minutes went by with them like that, wrapped in each other’s arms and Felicity felt more relaxed in that moment than she did in a long time. The loud ringing coming from her bedroom startled her out of the peaceful moment, though.

Oliver growled lowly in annoyance when she patted his chest and got up to get her phone. It made her bit her lower lip to avoid laughing at him. Her big, bad, scary vigilante was a cuddler and apparently, he didn’t like interruptions during his cuddling sessions. Who would’ve thought?

Her brows furrowed in confusion when she picked her phone up from her bedside table. Diggle usually called her later in the day when he wanted to talk to her because he knew her mornings were kind of hectic, with having to get ready for work and dealing with a few freelance jobs she picked up from time to time. Worry washed over her.

“Hey, John. Everything okay?” She made her way back to the living room.

 _“Hey, have you heard from Oliver?”_ John Diggle was always very calm and collected, but he sounded a little frantic to her. _“I came down to the foundry to bring him some muffins since Lyla made way too much, but he’s not here and his phone isn’t on. He didn’t look very okay when I left last night and you know how he is. I’m…”_

“Everything’s fine,” she interrupted him before he had a stroke. Dig worried so much about Oliver too. Sometimes she wished Oliver was a little more aware of how loved he was. “He’s here.”

 _“Well, you tell that boy I’m gonna kill him. Why is his phone off? We don’t turn our phones off, that’s the rule,”_ John huffed in annoyance and Felicity could tell that he wasn’t exaggerating in how worried he had been if he was bringing up one of their rules.

“Yeah, well… he’s glaring at my phone, so he might try to kill you back for interrupting us.” A giggle escaped her at the look Oliver was throwing at her phone.

Oliver caught on to what she said and what it sounded like before she did. Dig’s silence on the other end of the line and Oliver’s amused expression made her review the words that just came out of her mouth. She told Dig that Oliver might try to kill him for interrupting them. Oh my…

“That’s so not what I meant,” she squeaked into the phone, feeling her cheeks heating up.

 _“Hmm,”_ that was all the reply she got from John and she could see his eyebrows raising and his arms crossing like he was right there in front of her, waiting for an explanation.

Oliver looked more amused than before, like he was just waiting to see how she would dig herself out of that one. She dropped back beside him on the couch, punching his arm in response to his amusement.

“Ow, why are you hitting me? I didn’t say anything,” he complained, rubbing the spot she hit. The big baby, like she could ever hurt him when he was all muscle.

“You’re looking at me with that stupid face of yours. Stop looking at me like that,” she whined, hiding her face in the bicep she had just punched.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but it’s the only face I have,” Oliver didn’t even try to hide his mirth.

“Yes, and it’s stupid. It’s all… pretty. Why is your face so pretty? It’s not fair,” her voice came out muffled against Oliver’s arm. She knew she was being a bit childish right now, but she made Dig think he was interrupting _sex_.

A snort came from the phone she was still holding against her ear at the same time that Oliver chuckled at her words.

 _“So… I take it that you guys are okay,”_ John said, his voice filled with amusement. _“I don’t really need to know what you two have been up to. Just tell Oliver to turn on his damn phone. I promise not to interrupt anymore unless the world is ending.”_

And then their friend hung up on her and she groaned, throwing her phone on the couch cushion beside her. She was so not looking forward to having to face Dig that night. She loved him dearly but he could be a little shit when he wanted to tease her.

“Dig wants to kill you. He went to the foundry, something about Lyla and muffins? He couldn’t find you and you weren’t answering your phone,” she passed along their friend’s message once her face turned back to a semblance of a normal shade. “Where _is_ your phone?”

Oliver reached for his jacket that had been on the armrest since he went to sleep last night, looking through the pockets until he pulled out his phone. His out of battery phone, as it turned out to be when he pressed the power button and turned the screen around to show it to her.

“What do I always tell you before you leave the foundry?” Felicity took the phone out of his hands and got up again, heading for the bedroom. Once she plugged it into the charger she kept on her bedside table, she made her way back. She gave him a stern look, hands on her hips and everything. “Always make sure your phone is charged. If something happens, I can’t find you if your phone is off. I mean, I probably _can_ but it would take longer and what if we don’t have time? What if you need help and it takes me longer to find you because your damn phone is off? What if I’m not fast enough and…”

“Hey, _hey…_ ” Oliver stopped her gently, taking her hand and pulling her back to the couch before she could get even more worked up over this. _Why_ she was so upset over an uncharged phone all of a sudden was a good question, though. “I was in a bit of a rush last night and forgot to check my battery, but since I was coming here anyway, I didn’t think it would be a problem. What is this really about, Felicity?”

She sighed, trying to sort out why her feelings were flip flopping all over the place. He was right beside her right now, but what if that wasn’t the case? The idea of not being able to reach him just because he ran out of battery… She suddenly understood Dig’s worry very well. It wasn’t as amusing as it was when their friend had been the one worrying about a turned off phone.

“Is it about your nightmares?” he asked tentatively, not wanting to push her into talking about something she didn't want to, but he couldn't help but wonder after what she told him before falling asleep last night.

“I don’t… I don’t know.” The question caught her by surprise. Felicity hadn’t really thought about that, but now that he mentioned it… “Maybe.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Oliver squeezed her hand gently.

She thought it through before shaking her head. There was no way she was ready to talk about it without turning into a sobbing mess. Not after the last 24 hours, at least. She needed a little more time before tackling another emotionally charged conversation.

“Not right now, no. But…” Felicity ran her thumb over his knuckles softly, basking in the feeling of being able to show her affection, even in such a small way. “I think I would like to tell you about it later.”

Maybe telling him about her nightmares would help. Maybe she would stop feeling so off-kilter if she did, maybe the panic attacks wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe. So many maybes. But it was worth a shot. It couldn’t get _worse._

“Whenever you’re ready,” he replied, letting go of her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulders and pull her into his side again, pressing his lips to her temple softly.

Oliver had been very reserved with physical affection for a very long time, but it had always been different with Felicity. He always liked touching her and apparently it came as easy as breathing for him when he wasn’t holding himself back.

The IT girl felt her heart stutter in her chest when Oliver pressed his lips to her skin, though. He had never kissed her before. Anywhere.

Okay, to be fair… She had the distinct impression he did kiss her head last night, but in her defense, she was in the middle of a panic attack and things were a little hazy about those particularly crappy minutes of her life. One way or another, it was the first time she was _aware_ of it happening.

His words coupled with the way he didn’t even seem to realize what he did, like it was so natural for him to shower her with affection, made her eyes mist over. It had been so long since she had felt so… cared for.

Not that she was belittling everything John did for her, how much he supported her in the past few months. Far from that. She had no idea what she would have done without him. But it just wasn't the same. And not because of John himself, but because of how she felt about Oliver. The yearning for him had been a physical ache in her chest.

Felicity had to bite her lips to avoid telling him she loved him once more. She didn’t want to overwhelm him again. He told her he wasn’t ready yet and she would respect that.

“Thank you,” she said instead, having a little trouble pushing out the words around the lump in her throat.

The comfortable silence that enveloped them was such a welcome change from the past few months. Things had been so strained between them that they could barely share the same space without feeling suffocated by the tension, but now… Even though they still had so much to talk about, the promise that there would be no more avoidance of the subject was enough to put them back at ease with each other.

In fact, Felicity was so relaxed that she dozed off against Oliver’s very muscly but somehow very comfortable chest. That is, until the alarm she had permanently set for week days to remind her that it was time to get ready for work if she didn’t want to be late blared from her phone. But she was just so tired. On top of all the nightmares that wouldn’t let her sleep properly and sometimes led to terrible panic attacks, she also felt emotionally exhausted.

“Ugh, don’t want to move,” Felicity groaned, burying herself further into Oliver’s chest and trying to ignore the alarm going off.

“Then don’t,” he replied, picking up her phone and stopping the alarm before dropping it beside her again and getting his arm back around her. He really didn’t want her to move either.

“I have to,” she sighed dejectedly, before rubbing her eyes and sitting up straight. “Time to be a responsible adult or whatever.”

The archer rubbed his hand up and down her arm for a second, but didn’t try to stop her when she picked up her phone and got up from the couch. He already missed her body’s warmth against his. And by the look on her face, she wasn’t doing much better. How would they ever get anything done now that they knew how good it felt to be wrapped around each other? They were so screwed.

Extending her free hand to him, his IT girl told him without words that it was time for him to leave. He took no offense to her kicking him out, reaching for her hand instead and getting up. He knew he was being a distraction from her morning routine. And Oliver understood being distracted by someone all too well. After all, everything about Felicity had been distracting him from the moment he met her.

She squeezed his hand, giving him a grateful smile for being understanding before leaving the room to retrieve his phone from her bedroom, giving Oliver time to put his shoes back on and gather his jacket. Even during summer time, Starling City wasn’t the warmest of places and driving a motorcycle at night usually got a little chilly. He knew he would regret putting the jacket on now, in the middle of the morning, but it was the only way he had of carrying it though.

Felicity came back with his phone in hand and waited for him to store it safely inside his jacket pocket, before wrapping her arm around his and pulling him to the front door. She unlocked the door and then she was pushing him out until he stopped and turned around right out of the door.

“So eager to get rid of me,” he commented with false outrage, letting out a long-suffering sigh.

The glint in his eyes, though… That was something she never wanted to stop seeing. Oliver had the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen, but somehow, they looked even more beautiful when he looked like that. “Happy”, her mind supplied her with the word she was looking for. For once, he looked happy.

“I never want to get rid of you.” Felicity knew he was joking, but she would make sure he knew she wanted him around anyway. “As far as I’m concerned, we’ll be old and gray and still be here.”

The words left her mouth before she could realize what she had just said. And then the IT girl panicked. Dear lord, he told her not long ago that he wasn’t ready, that he needed time. And what her words just implied… Was she _trying_ to scare him off?

But then the most wonderful thing happened and her panicked mind quieted down. Her heart went into overdrive, though. Because Oliver smiled.

A smile so big it looked like it would split his face in half, his dimples mocking her with their cuteness on his perfectly gorgeous face. The way he was looking at her, though… He looked at her like she had just given him the best present he had ever gotten in his life.

“I’ll hold you to that.” And then he winked at her and skipped away to get his bike, leaving her rooted to the spot she had been standing at her front door. _He winked at her!_

When she first found out Oliver’s secret, she thought he would end up being the death of her someday. She was surely destined to have a heart attack from worrying so much. But now she knew better. That man _would_ be the death of her. And it would have nothing to do with him running around in green leather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta and English isn't my first language so any and every mistake you might encounter is mine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys. How are you doing today?  
> So this is somehow a Delicity/Olicity/OTA chapter. And we all know Yoda!Diggle is adept of relationship advice, so there's that too. I hope you guys enjoy it ;)

Felicity had been in a daze for most of the day, too distracted by everything that had happened that morning. It was a good thing that it was a slow day at Tech Village, because her mind had been constantly on Oliver and that face-splitting smile he gave her when she implied (completely by accident because her mouth loved to run away from her) that she wanted to grow old with him.

Which she did. She knew Oliver was _it_ for her. She had known that for a long time, but she also knew that she had lucked out that his reaction to her words hadn’t been bad. Especially because he told her not long before that he wasn’t ready. She would have to be more careful with her words. Sending him running in the opposite direction because she didn’t respect his timing when she said she would was not what she wanted.

When the time to leave for the day came around, Felicity was giddy. Getting out of that torture was always a joyous moment, but today she was even happier about leaving. Because she was going straight to the foundry and she couldn’t wait to see Oliver again. And she realized she was probably a bit pathetic for being so excited to see him when she saw him every single day, when she saw him that morning, but hey… She was in love. She was in love and he felt the same. She could afford to be a bit pathetic.

Felicity was met with an unusual sight when she got to the foundry. Not that there was anything wrong about Oliver and Dig sitting around a table and talking, they were friends after all, but usually their talking was done in the middle of a sparring session. Their conversation halted when they heard her coming down the stairs and that made her 100% sure they had been talking about her.

She eyed them suspiciously, but Dig didn’t give anything away with his impassive expression and then Oliver… Oliver looked at her like she was the best thing since sliced bread and if she turned into a puddle on the floor that he would have to clean up later, then that was on him. It looked like he was as excited to see her as she had been to see him. At least she wasn’t the only pathetic one.

If the amused snort Dig let out when Oliver jumped out of the stool he had been sitting on to come greet her was any indication, then he agreed with her thoughts.

“Hey,” she smiled at him.

“Hi. How was your day?” He let his eyes linger on her face. He saw her every single day and still… It was always a welcome sight.

“Awful,” Felicity reached for his hand when his expression changed, his brows scrunching up in worry. “It’s better now.”

Not even implying that seeing him made her day better could get that troubled expression to disappear from his face. She could see where his thoughts were going even before he could verbalize any of it.

“Nope. None of that,” she told him seriously, squeezing his hand. “My job situation is not your fault, Oliver.”

“But it is. If I hadn’t signed the company away you wouldn’t have to be working at Tech Village,” he sighed in defeat and the guilty he felt for that particular problem made him avert his eyes from hers. “You’re a genius, Felicity. Selling computer parts to dudes that live in their moms’ basements and have no respect for you just because you happen to be a woman is not what you should be doing with two masters’ degrees from MIT.”

“Maybe that’s true, but we both know that Isabel, that _Slade_ would have found a way to get the company anyway. Blaming yourself won’t change that.” Felicity knew _he_ knew she was right, but sometimes he got so deep into his head that he couldn’t see the way out. “If it really bothers you so much, then focus on what you can change. We can get the company back. If that’s what you want, I’ll help you.”

“Then you wouldn’t have to work at a place you hate so much,” he nodded slowly, like he was already trying to come up with a plan to get her out of her personal hell.

“Oliver, no. That’s not what I…” she sighed, equal parts exasperation and fondness bleeding into her tone. _Of course_ the only thing he was worried about was her job. “Look, if I get a decent job out of this, then it’s a win-win situation, but that’s not what this is about. This is your family’s company _._ You tell me you want to get it back and I’ll be there every step of the way. But don’t do it for me. Or Dig. This isn’t about getting us jobs. It’s about you and what _you_ want.”

“She’s right,” Dig’s voice made her almost jump out of her skin. She completely forgot the other man was there. “If you really want it back, we’ll support you. But be sure about it. If we go through all the trouble and then you decide it’s not really what you want and we all end up jobless anyway, I’m gonna be pissed.”

“John!” Felicity hissed, looking around Oliver to throw her friend a disapproving look.

“You were thinking it too,” Dig shrugged, the certainty in his voice making her want to throw something at his head. That was very much _not the point._

“A little tact,” she replied, narrowing her eyes at him when all he did was crossing his arms, not a drop of remorse on his face.

“Spent too much time with Oliver today. All my tact and sanity went down the drain when we circled back to the same subject for the third time in a single conversation,” John informed her, throwing her a smirk. “Think I got to him in the end, though.”

“Yes, you got me. I’m an idiot. What would I do without you?” Oliver rolled his eyes. The sarcasm in his words couldn’t really hide the fondness present there too. He knew how lucky he was to have Dig.

“You’re no idiot, Oliver. Just very hard-headed sometimes,” his friend replied good-naturedly. “I’m glad to be of assistance. Even if I want to strangle you from time to time.”

“You can try,” the archer snorted, dropping Felicity’s hand to turn around and throw Dig a defying look.

“Guys…” Felicity called, getting their attention back on her. “Think we got a little off-topic here. The company?”

Oliver sighed deeply, like having to make the decision was already wearing him down. She could understand his wariness. It wasn’t a decision he could make lightly. If he decided he wanted to do it, he would have to do so much better than the last time.

“You can take your time. You don’t have to decide it now,” she reassured him, but it only made his brows furrow again. She rolled her eyes at him, knowing where his mind went. “I can deal with the basement dwellers, Oliver.”

“I know you can. Doesn’t mean I have to like it”, he shrugged, looking from her to Dig. “I’ll think about it.”

When Oliver turned his back on them to go look for something, Felicity and John shared a knowing look. Oliver might not know it yet, but they knew he was going to try to get Queen Consolidated back. And despite of what they told him, they both knew that his decision would be greatly impacted by his desire to make their lives easier, better.

“Are you going out?” Felicity asked, when the archer came back with his jacket in his hands.

“I’m going to get you something to eat. Bet you’re hungry,” he put the jacket on, patting his pocket to make sure he had his wallet.

“I’m… Starving, actually. How did you know?” her eyebrows almost reached her hairline in surprise.

“I just know you,” Oliver replied easily, giving her a small smile. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Humm, I’ve been daydreaming about Lo Mein for the last hour.” The only thing she had been daydreaming about more had been Oliver himself.

“Chinese it is then. Dig?” he turned to their friend, a questioning look in his eyes.

“I’m good, man. Thanks,” Dig dismissed him and Felicity would have noticed the smirk if she wasn’t so distracted by Oliver.

“I’ll be right back,” he informed her, but then hesitated, which in turn made her eyebrows furrow in confusion.

Her puzzled look turned into surprise when Oliver seemed to make up his mind. He stepped closer to her, his left hand landing on her hip and then his lips were on her forehead, giving her a soft kiss.

“Oh…” she mumbled, a little out of breath just because his lips were pressed to her skin. She felt maybe she was a bit above “pathetic” in the scale at this point. And she also couldn’t care less. “This is new.”

He pulled away gently, squeezing her hip before releasing her and if Felicity thought the kiss had been soft, it was nothing compared to the look in his eyes. He smiled at her, that smile that she was pretty sure was reserved just for her and then he was climbing the stairs, leaving her in a daze in the middle of the foundry.

Dig’s chuckle was what got her out of that trance.

“I was going to say that you have that boy in the palm of your hand, but by the looks of it, it’s pretty mutual,” he teased her, his tone a perfect match to the raised eyebrow he was throwing at her.

“Shut up,” she replied weakly, feeling her cheeks heating up.

She ignored the fact that Dig clearly had more to say in favor of settling down in her chair and checking her alerts for the night. She could feel her friend’s stare at the back of her neck, though. Fifteen minutes later and she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” she swiveled her chair around to face him.

“More like something I want to ask about you and your almost lover,” he replied, shaking his head in amusement at the disgruntled look she gave him. “What?”

“One: don’t ever use the word “lover” again. It’s creepy. And two: please, do not interrogate me about my love life.” Her pleading tone made her friend chuckle.

“Oliver already dealt with the interrogation. I have one very specific question for you, though.” Dig got up and came to Felicity’s desk, leaning on it and making her swivel around again to face him. “That guy is terrified of messing things up. That’s why he thinks he’s not ready to be with you. That’s what we came back to multiple times during our conversation.”

“Is there a question in there somewhere?” Felicity was pretty aware of that fact already. She was the one there when Oliver was shaking with anxiety because he was afraid of saying something that could hurt her.

“You’ve been in love with him for a long time,” he said, in a very matter of fact way.

“Still not seeing the question,” the IT girl replied, eyebrows raising at her friend.

“You’ve been in love with him for a long time,” Dig said again, like he was explaining something to a child. “And when he finally gets his head out of his ass, you tell him you’re not ready for it either. Why?”

Felicity sighed deeply, leaning back in her chair and averting her eyes from Dig, busying herself with something on her screens. There was no news there, no alerts going off, nothing. She just needed not to look at his knowing expression right now.

John was right. She had been in love with Oliver for a long time. And she knew that he was asking this question simply out of curiosity, because he thought she would have jumped at the chance of telling Oliver she wanted to be with him once the archer “got his head out of his ass”, as he called it.

“You weren’t there, Dig.” He hadn’t seen Oliver that morning, bursting with anxiety.

“Thank God for that. I love you guys, but I don’t want to be scarred for life,” he shuddered exaggeratedly and Felicity rolled her eyes. She was pretty sure he knew nothing besides talking had happened.

“He was so anxious that what he had to say was going to hurt me that he couldn’t even look me in the eyes,” she told him, her chest feeling tight when she remembered how Oliver held onto her like he was afraid she was going to get up and leave once he said what he wanted to say. “You know Oliver as well as I do, John. Telling him I want to be with him when I know he’s not there yet will only make him feel bad for not being able to give me what I want. I refuse to do that to him. Knowing how we feel will have to be enough for now.”

“Lying to him won’t make it better, Felicity,” he told her seriously, gesturing for her to let him talk when she opened her mouth to protest. “What happens when he’s ready, but he thinks you still need more time? Another two years of dancing around each other? Because we both know Oliver won’t do or say anything if he thinks you’re not ready.”

“I’m not lying to him. I’m…” the words died in her throat with the look Diggle gave her.

Felicity _hated_ that look. Every single time he used it on her, it made her spill whatever it was she had been holding back. Sometimes she didn’t even know what it was until that look made her say it out loud. Like now.

“What if we mess it up?” her troubled expression made Dig lay a hand over hers, squeezing it in support. “He’s my friend, okay? He’s my friend before anything else. What if we are so bad at this relationship thing that we end up blowing it? And then we… I don’t want to lose him. I rather having him in my life, even if just as a friend, than not having him at all.”

The more she talked, the more agitated she got and Diggle could see the tears welling up in her eyes. He had seen so many of her tears lately. But it also didn’t surprise him that Oliver wasn’t the only one terrified of messing things up. Those two really were two peas in a pod when it came to each other.

“So because you’re scared things might not work out, you’re giving him an out before you even try? That makes no sense, Felicity,” that woman was the most rational person Diggle had ever met in his life, but when it came to Oliver, all that rationality went down the drain.

She gave him a tiny shrug in reply, eyes downcast so he wouldn’t see the few tears that had made their way down her face. Not that keeping her eyes down had stopped him from seeing the tears anyway, but he wouldn’t call her out on it.

Dig could understand her worries and he might have agreed with it once upon a time. It had been easy to see from the very beginning that there was something there. Back then, he hoped more than once that they wouldn’t act on it, even though their little dance amused him to no end. But they needed Felicity and it would complicate things.

His friends were both different people back then, though. Especially Oliver. Things were very different now. And as much as he understood her point, he also thought she was worrying unnecessarily.

“You want to know what I think?” Diggle squeezed her hand again, a silent request for her to look at him. And she did. With eyes too bright, filled with tears she had no reason to be shedding, in his opinion. “I think you have nothing to worry about. This is not much different than a partnership, Felicity. And the two of you are great partners. You’re gonna be fine.”

“You really think so?” Felicity usually didn’t doubt herself so much, but Oliver was way too important to her, and well… Apparently, she was as scared as he was of ruining things.

“I know so,” he reassured her gently, earning a small smile in return. “Be honest with him, Felicity. Telling him what you think he wants to hear won’t do any of you any favors.”

She nodded, taking a deep breath. Sometimes it was annoying how Dig always seemed to be right, how he could always make her rethink her decisions with just a few words. And of course he would be right about this too. Telling Oliver she was there waiting for him whenever he was ready was the right thing to do. Starting this by hiding where she was at emotionally because she was scared of overwhelming him was not the way to go.

“Now go get rid of these tears. If he comes back and thinks I made you cry, he might actually try to kill me this time and it won’t be for interrupting the two of you,” John teased her, making her blush when she remembered what she told him on the phone that morning.

“You’ll never let me live that one down, will you?” she pushed his hand that was still holding hers away and got up to go to the bathroom.

Felicity came back a few minutes later, no signs that any tears had been shed except for the retouched makeup and went straight into her friend’s arms. Dig was ready for it, closing his arms around her as soon as the IT girl collided with his chest.

“Thank you.” That man was a godsend and she loved him so very much.

“No problem,” he squeezed her slightly before releasing her. “Hey, maybe I should try a career change. Couples’ therapist. How about that? I’d have you and Oliver to vouch for me.”

The only thing he got in response was a backhanded slap in the chest and narrowed eyes that made him chuckle. And then Felicity turned around so fast that Diggle thought he would have to hold her up so she wouldn’t fall face first on the ground in her heels. He always said she needed to be more aware of her surroundings, but apparently that didn’t apply where Oliver was concerned. She always seemed hyper aware of the other man’s presence.

Seconds later the archer was coming down the stairs, the smell of Chinese food getting stronger when he got to the bottom, but he stopped when he saw how close Dig and Felicity were to each other, his eyes scanning her face.

“Everything okay?” He asked slowly, trying to figure out if he had interrupted something.

“Everything’s great,” Felicity smiled brightly, approaching him and grabbing the food he was carrying with a groan. “I’m sooooo hungry. You’re my hero.”

Oliver smiled in return, but threw Dig a questioning look over her head when she turned her back on him to make space for her food over a table. The older man only shook his head with a reassuring smile, telling him he had no reasons to worry, so he shrugged and went to help Felicity. He didn’t need to know what they had been talking about, as long as she was okay.

Roy, Oliver had discovered, had an uncanny ability to show his face around whenever food was involved. Which was sometimes amusing since Felicity _loved_ her food and he felt like she would fight to the death for it if she had to. The younger man had once committed the mistake of eating a piece of chocolate cake Felicity had left in the small fridge they had down in the foundry. That was the day Roy had first been introduced to Felicity’s loud voice.

That’s why when Roy came tumbling down the stairs, his eyes fixed on the extra takeout box of Chinese food over the table like his sole purpose in life was to get his hands on it, Oliver took a step away from the table. He shared an amused look with Dig, both of them just waiting to see what would happen next.

If Oliver thought Felicity had moved fast last night when she held him by the arm so he wouldn’t leave the room, it was nothing compared to how fast she pulled the extra takeout box closer to her when Roy’s hands moved in its direction.

“Keep your hands away from my food, Roy Harper,” she narrowed her eyes at him.

“You’re already eating. What would you need the extra box for?” He tried to reach for the food again, but Felicity slapped his hand away.

“I got it, it’s mine,” she replied, and then thought better of it. “Technically, Oliver got it. But he got it for me, so it’s still mine. Get your own food.”

“You’re tiny. You won’t even eat all of that,” Roy sounded like a whining child because his sibling wouldn’t share a toy. “You rather let all that food go to waste than sharing it?”

“It’ll be my 3am snack. Or my lunch at work tomorrow. You really think I would let perfectly good Chinese food go to waste?” Felicity rolled her eyes at the younger man. It was like he didn’t know her at all. “Now let me eat in peace, Harper. Go bother someone else.”

Roy had a scowl on his face when he turned to Oliver.

“She’s not the only person down here, you know? You could have gotten extras,” he mumbled moodily, his scowl getting deeper when Oliver scoffed in response.

“I’m not your father, it’s not my responsibility to feed you,” the archer deadpanned, rolling his eyes. “Suit up, we’re leaving in five minutes.”

The younger man grumbled about how it was not Oliver’s responsibility to feed _Felicity_ either, but followed the orders anyway. Oliver disappeared to get ready too, leaving Felicity with her food and Dig shaking his head at the three of them. Sometimes Diggle felt like he was running a daycare. Oh, hey. Another career possibility.

Felicity had been so distracted that when she saw them ready to leave, she blinked owlish at Oliver. Her eyes went from him to her takeout container, then to her computers and back to the archer, before falling to her food again like she was trying to figure out if she would have to leave her Lo Mein unfinished.

“You can finish your food,” Oliver chuckled at her when she gave him a relieved sigh and kept chewing away happily. “We’re just gonna check the docks, make sure that no one from that drug operation we busted last week is back there.”

“I know a few of them escaped, but they’ll probably think twice before going back there,” she answered after swallowing her food. “I’m pretty sure you scared the crap out of them.”

“I don’t want the ones that escaped getting any ideas,” he replied with a shrug, then pointed to the takeout container. “By the time we get there, you’ll probably be done with your dinner. We have our comms on for when you’re ready. If we need anything before, Dig will call you.”

“Okay. Please, be careful,” she requested, rummaging through the takeout box for a piece of broccoli.

“I will, don’t worry,” the archer smiled softly when her eyes raised to him, chopsticks halfway to her lips.

“I always worry,” Felicity told him seriously. No matter how much he tried to reassure her or how capable she knew him to be out there, she would always feel that little sense of dread every single time he left the foundry.

“I don’t. I have you to watch over me.” He tilted his head at her, his tone so full of conviction.

He trusted her with his life. Oliver knew that she would always do whatever she could to bring them all home in one piece at the end of the night.

Not even Roy mumbling “What are we? Chopped liver?” and getting a slap in the back of the head from Diggle was enough to burst Oliver and Felicity’s bubble. Her expression had gone soft with his words, her eyes so full of affection that it made Oliver’s chest hurt, but in a good way.

And then the IT girl dropped the chopsticks back into the takeout box and got up, stepping closer to Oliver. Even in her high heels, she had to tilt her head up to look at him. She took the mask that had been dangling around his neck this whole time and adjusted it over his eyes, before pulling the hood over his head.

Felicity ran her hands down to his chest softly, the tenderness in her touch was a perfect match to the adoring look in her eyes. And then she grabbed the strap of his quiver and pulled him down to her level. Oliver’s mind went blank for a moment, because he thought she was going to kiss him.

He didn’t know if he was disappointed or relieved when her lips landed on his cheek, because even if he thought he wasn’t completely ready (the talk with Dig had helped a bit in that aspect), he wanted to kiss her so bad. He wanted to know what she tasted like, wanted to know what her lips would feel like under his, but maybe it was better this way. As much as the foundry meant to the both of them, their first kiss shouldn’t be down there, shouldn’t have an audience.

She pulled away from him slowly, cheeks tinted a slightly pink and a sweet smile on her lips. A tiny giggle escaped her when she looked up at him and then she was releasing the strap of his quiver and raising her hand to his face.

“No one’s going to take you seriously with pink lipstick on your cheek.” Felicity rubbed her thumb over his face until the traces of her lipstick were gone and then she stepped away from him and smiled again. “Now go be a hero.”

“Not a hero,” he shrugged, turning his back to grab his bow and then joining Roy and Diggle that were still waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs.

“Yes, you are.” Her tone was so matter of fact that Oliver knew that trying to argue with her would get him nowhere.

Felicity Smoak was the smartest person he had ever met and if she said he was a hero… Well, then maybe it was time to start believing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta and English isn't my first language so any and every mistake you might encounter is mine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. So for the people that aren't on twitter, I want to leave a little bit of a warning that I left there already. I have an inflamed cervical nerve right now and the pain radiates everywhere from my left shoulder blade down to my arm and hand, so I'm not able to write. The doctor told me to try to stay away from the computer so I wouldn't make the pain worse. This chapter was already written and ready to be posted, so I'm posting it as planned. Next week's chapter might get a delay because of this little problem, since I only have 3/4 pages written. I'm treating it already and I hope I'll get better soon enough to be able to post on time, but I'm not going to force it and make things worse. So I just wanted to warn you about it. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter ;)

If anyone asked Oliver how a lowly street thug was able to slash through the sleeve of his suit with a knife without him leaving the dude unconscious on the floor before even trying, he would tell them he was just caught by surprise. In reality, he had been distracted. And he blamed Felicity entirely for it. Well, maybe not entirely. It was his own fault he let himself get distracted, but what was he to do when ten minutes after he left the foundry that evening, his comm unity came alive and his IT girl’s voice was timidly asking him if he would come home with her that night?

The first thing out of her mouth was an exclamation of “Not like that!” when she realized how her words sounded like. He could swear that she whispered “yet” before she was rambling away about how she wanted to talk to him about something and she didn’t think the foundry was a good place for that. She said she was going to ask before he left, but got cold feet looking at his stupidly pretty face, which was ridiculous because she said things to his stupidly pretty face all the time. So now she was doing it over the comms because she was a coward and had no idea why she was so nervous.

She sounded a little out of breath by the end of her explanation, but Oliver had learned a long time ago that letting Felicity finish her rambles was a good way for her to deal with whatever was making her anxious. She also tended to get a little self-conscious when someone interrupted her and Oliver didn’t want to make her feel embarrassed. He loved her babbling anyway. The fact that she never measured words around him like so many people did, especially when he had just returned from his 5 years away, was one of the things that kept pulling him back to her early on.

Oliver realized he went too long without answering her when she called his name in an uneasy tone. Like he would ever say no to her. He would find a way to go to Mars if she asked him to. The archer didn’t tell her _that_ , but he did tell her that if she was okay with lending him her couch again, then sure.

The relieved sigh she let out at his reply was something he would need to find a way to address later. Felicity shouldn’t be nervous about asking him things. They had a lot to talk about still, a lot to figure out and being apprehensive about talking to each other wouldn’t help them. That had been one of the things that Diggle had drilled into his mind during their conversation. That the two of them needed to be honest with each other.

So that’s how he ended up with a torn sleeve and a slash in his bicep. The docks were still empty, no signal of any illegal activity. After they thoroughly searched the place just to be sure, Felicity redirected their attention. Dig was circling around the Glades, keeping a close eye on Roy. They still weren’t completely comfortable with leaving the younger man to fend for himself, so Dig was usually around for backup if needed. Oliver, meanwhile, went to deal with a robbery.

He intercepted the dude mid escape, shooting the gun out of his hand with an arrow easily. But because his mind was still wondering what was so important for Felicity that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow and she insisted on talking about it tonight, he failed to notice the guy also had a knife when Oliver advanced on him to restrain him.

He branded the knife at Oliver, the trembling in his voice when he told Oliver to stay away telling the archer how terrified of him the guy actually was. The slash in his arm annoyed him more than anything and Oliver knocked the guy unconscious with a single hit before restraining him. He asked Felicity to redirect the SCPD to his location so they could pick up the guy and examined the cut on his arm with a huff.

His suit had taken the brunt of it. It didn’t look like a very deep cut, but it still stung and the blood running down his arm was a nuisance. Not wanting to worry Felicity unnecessarily, he closed his comm link with her for a minute to be able to tell Diggle and Roy what had happened and that he was going back to the foundry to clean up the mess.

Felicity was always very level headed in situations that most people would be freaking out, but after her nightmare last night, Oliver thought it would be better if she could see he was okay. In hindsight, maybe he should have realized that showing up at the foundry with blood running down his arm without any warning wouldn’t be much better than telling her through the comms that he had gotten hurt.

His IT girl was focused on something on her screens when he came down the stairs, but soon she was telling Roy that the SCPD was already taking care of whatever it was that had caught her attention and swiveling her chair around to face him. He could see she had something on the tip of her tongue, but then she saw his arm. She jumped out of her chair, eyes frantically scanning the rest of him for any other injuries.

“What the hell happened to you?” The high-pitched tone was something that didn’t happen very often.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” he tried to reassure her, letting Felicity maneuver him until he was sitting down.

“That’s not what I asked, Oliver!” she exclaimed, giving him an annoyed look.

“It was a knife,” the archer sighed, lowering his hood and pulling the mask off with his good arm. At least the guy had the decency of catching him in his left arm, so his dominant hand was safe. “The blood really makes it look worse than it is, though. The suit took the brunt of it. I don’t even think it’ll need stitches.”

“You need a better suit. Leather can only do so much for you,” Felicity replied, pulling the med-cart closer so she could rummage through the drawers. “Something with kevlar lining, like Roy’s. The fact that you gave Roy a suit like that and didn’t get one for yourself, by the way? Still grates on my nerves.”

“Roy doesn’t have the same experience I do. I don’t need kevlar,” he let her help him take the jacket off.

“Your bleeding arm disagrees.” She went to wash her hands before coming back and pulling out the antiseptic wipes.

She could have been gentler with the way she dabbed at the cut with the wipe, but she was annoyed at him for never thinking enough about his own safety and she tended to get a little less gentle than usual when she was annoyed. Oliver let out a little hiss, reflexively pulling his arm away and the IT girl gave him a pointed look, pulling his arm back to her.

Felicity worked in silence, thoroughly cleaning the cut and the area surrounding it until she was sure the bleeding had stopped. He was right, though. It didn’t look like it would need any stitches. She sent him on his way to shower and change out of his suit before she could bandage his arm and went back to her computers to make sure Diggle and Roy didn’t need help with anything. Things seemed pretty calm that night, though.

The levels of criminal activity in the city had been pretty low since the siege and aside from a few situations here and there, the SCPD had been able to deal with most of it on their own. They had been enjoying the calm, not having to pull all-nighters and getting home at decent hours. Sleeping properly. Felicity loved that she had time to sleep properly, something that hadn’t happened in two years. Although, with her nightmares, she wasn’t sure if she could say she had been sleeping properly.

Oliver came out of the bathroom not long after, in dark denim pants, rubbing the towel over his wet hair and shirtless. Of course he was shirtless. One could argue that the cut was too high on his bicep and a shirt sleeve would get in the way of Felicity bandaging it, but she was at least 80% sure he liked to parade around half-naked just to distract her. She had no solid proof of that fact, but that was her story and she would stick to it.

Once upon a time (when she had just joined the team), Felicity thought that one day she would become immune to all… that. She had been so naïve. Two years later and she would still catch herself staring at him every single time he decided to go shirtless for one reason or another. Like right now.

Shaking her head to focus on what she had to do instead of his abs, she told Oliver to sit down so she could bandage his arm. He rubbed the towel over his head one last time and then sat down obediently. When he looked up at her, though, a small laugh escaped her. His hair was sticking out in every direction. She knew he would feel the need to cut his hair soon since it was getting long, which was a shame in her opinion. Right now the length was perfect to… Okay, she was getting distracted again.

“What?” He asked, confused about why she was laughing at him.

“Nothing, it’s just…” Felicity pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh at him again, but he looked so silly with his hair sticking out everywhere like that. “Your hair might need a trim.”

“Oh, that,” he raised his right hand to his hair, trying to smooth it down. “I’ve been meaning to cut this thing out for weeks.”

“I said a trim, not all of it,” she stepped closer to him and slapped his hand away, since he was only making it worse. Before she could second-guess herself, she was running her hands through his hair. “Huh, I’ve always wanted to do that. I’m gonna be so mad if you cut all of it.”

“Do you have a thing for my hair, Felicity?” He was trying to tease her, but it felt so good having her fingers running through his hair that his voice came out embarrassingly breathless.

“I have a thing for all of you. I thought that was pretty clear,” she felt like her cheeks were probably a little pink right now, but she wouldn’t take it back. Honesty, right? Dig said honesty was good.

“Guess it’s a good thing that it’s mutual then,” he shrugged nonchalantly, but the intensity in his eyes made her heart beat wildly inside her chest.

Apparently, she wasn’t the only one going for honesty. Felicity was pretty sure Diggle had something to do with it. Bless that man. What she wanted to talk to Oliver about would go over so much better if he also agreed that being honest about their feelings, about what they wanted and expected from each other was the way to go here.

“I’ll make you a deal.” His words pulled her out of her thoughts.

She hummed for him to continue, still carding her fingers through his hair gently, even though it was back to a semblance of an order instead of sticking out in every direction like before. She liked the feeling.

“I won’t cut it all out if you keep doing that,” he let out a satisfied sigh. “Feels nice.”

“Deal.” She smiled at him, finally pulling her hands away and receiving a disappointed look in return.

In that moment, Oliver reminded her of a cat. A big cat that wanted to be petted, but only when he wanted to and only by the people he wanted to. It was kind of adorable and something she would have never associated with him before, but after the way he clung to her that morning, she wasn’t all that surprised by that side of him.

“I need to bandage your arm,” she reminded him, stepping away to look for the items she would need.

A few minutes later, with the antiseptic cream applied and a bandage covering the cut, Felicity found one of his shirts (a blue plaid shirt that she loved a little too much) and threw it at him. She giggled when it landed on his head, pressing her lips together to avoid a full-on belly laugh at the glare he sent her way.

“Please, get dressed. You’re distracting enough as it is with all of your clothes on.” Case in point, that whole sentence was spoken while staring at his chest.

He fought the desire to tease her, to throw the shirt away, get in her personal space and ask if he was distracting her. He could imagine how glorious the blush on her face would be. In the end, Oliver only pulled the shirt on obediently. It wasn’t fair to start something they weren’t ready to finish, even though holding himself back was requiring so much of his willpower.

Knowing how she felt was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, he didn’t have to wonder anymore if the feelings were one sided, if all it was for her was physical attraction that sometimes blended with the affection she felt because of their friendship. Although, now that he knew exactly how she felt for him, he had no idea how he could ever think that was the case. He knew her better than that and yet for some reason, he still let himself believe that to be the truth from time to time.

Maybe it was just easier to deal with his own feelings if he allowed himself to believe she wouldn’t want this, wouldn’t want to be loved by him. Because then keeping his feelings buried deep down meant he would be honoring her wishes, right? He wouldn’t need to face the fact that he was actually hurting her by keeping her at arm’s length. He truly was such an idiot sometimes.

On the other hand, knowing that she loved him was taking a toll on his self-control. His mind kept telling him that he wasn’t ready, that he would ruin everything with her, like he did with every relationship he’d ever had. If that happened, he wouldn’t know how to move on. Felicity Smoak wasn’t someone you could simply move on from. He knew it from experience, he tried to before. And that was without them ever being together.

His heart, though? His heart had different ideas. His heart kept telling his mind to shut the hell up and hold onto Felicity with everything he had in him. To hold onto the love she so freely offered him and never let go ever again, because that would be the best thing he would ever do in his entire life. His heart was probably smarter than his mind sometimes.

“Are you okay? You’re very quiet.” Felicity’s soft voice pulled him out of his musings. “Not that you’re usually talkative, but…”

She gave him a little shrug, the rest of the sentence going unfinished, but he could tell by the look in her eyes that his sudden silence was troubling her. And then it was like something clicked in her mind and she closed her eyes tightly, taking a deep breath.

“I’m so sorry,” she mumbled with a tiny voice, looking at anywhere but Oliver.

“What are you apologizing for?” he was as confused by her words as he was by the distress in her voice.

“My nonexistent brain-to-mouth filter. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” The IT girl dropped heavily into her chair, going on without realizing Oliver was trying to get a word in. “You _are_ distracting. With or without a shirt on, but it looks like I’m trying to imply things when my filter malfunctions like this and I really don’t want you to think I’m not respecting your timing. It seems that my stupid brain doesn’t know how to act properly around you and…”

He called her name gently and her mouth snapped shut. She still didn’t know what it was that always made her thoughts calm down when he said her name like that, like it was a full sentence. She loved it, though. She always loved the way her name rolled off his tongue. Felicity could always tell the mood he was in just by the way he said her name. And right now, he sounded amused.

“We both know your brain is anything but stupid, so let’s never call it that ever again.” If he wasn’t allowed to doubt himself when she said he was a good man or when she called him a hero, then she wasn’t allowed to insult her brain. He loved her brain. “And you didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

She didn’t look very convinced, but then again, it was actually hard to tell what she was thinking when his partner was staring at the floor. Wanting to look her in the eyes, Oliver went to her, dropping to a crouch in front of her chair. She startled slightly by his sudden appearance and he had to grab the arms of the chair so it wouldn’t roll back in her surprise, but at least she didn’t try to avert her eyes.

“I promise you didn’t. It’s nice, actually,” his tone was reassuring, but she looked confused.

“That I say stupid things and embarrass the both of us?” The crinkle between her eyebrows was so cute that it made Oliver smile.

“That you always say whatever is on your mind,” he answered softly, but she seemed even more unconvinced.

“You could probably get a restraining order just based on the things I say to you sometimes,” she narrowed her eyes at him when her words made him chuckle.

“It’s kind of flattering.” He landed on his butt on the floor when Felicity pushed at his chest with a huff.

“Like you need to have your ego stroked. I mean, look at you,” she made a gesture indicating his body and the look in her eyes was almost too much for him to deal with right now. Then she seemed to realize she was staring and averted her eyes. “You’re… _you_.”

Dig’s voice was there in his head telling him that this was time for some of that honesty his friend said it was essential in a healthy relationship. And as much as it could annoy him sometimes, Dig was usually right.

“It’s not a need to have my ego stroked, I’m not that vain,” the words came out a little harsher than he intended to and guilt washed over Felicity’s face. Shit. He hurried to explain himself. “The last 7 years weren’t kind, Felicity. And there’s proof of it all over my body. People tend to react badly to it. Some of them with pity, some are disgusted by the scars. I just… I like that it doesn’t seem to matter to you, that you never looked at me like that. So maybe it _is_ a little vain, but I like that you still think I’m…”

“Attractive?” The question came out so soft she wasn’t sure if Oliver had heard her, but then he nodded.

His body was so rigid with tension that Felicity felt like screaming at everyone that had ever looked at him the wrong way. She was so angry that furious tears sprang to her eyes. But she also knew that crying because stupid people looked at him in stupid ways wasn’t going to help anything, so she swallowed the lump in her throat and dropped to the floor beside him on her knees. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him so tight that if he was anyone else, he would probably have trouble breathing. Oliver hesitated only for a few seconds before wrapping his arms around her waist and hugging her back.

“You’re trembling,” he whispered into her temple, the worry in his voice so clear.

“I’m mad. No, I’m furious. I don’t understand how anyone could look at you and think you’re anything but beautiful.” The angry tears she had tried to hold in came out anyway. “You’ve been through so much. Your scars are proof of that and they do matter to me, Oliver. They’re reminders of how strong you are. That you fought and survived and came back home.”

His breath hitched in his chest. Felicity never seemed to care about his scars. She never asked, never stared at him the same way Thea and Laurel did when they first saw it, like they were comparing the Oliver they knew with the one that was in front of them. He always assumed it was because Felicity never knew him without the scars, that she had nothing to compare it to.

“I love your scars as much as I love the rest of you. I don’t think you would be here without them and I’m so grateful that you are.” For a moment she had been afraid that saying that could overwhelm him, but he needed to know. “I’m not a shallow person, Oliver. I don’t get attracted to people just because of how they look.”

She pulled back slightly to be able to look him in the eyes and it startled her to see that his eyes looked a little wet, even though it didn’t seem like he had shed any tears. Felicity only ran her right hand from the back of his neck to his chest, resting it over his heart.

“This is my favorite part of you,” she whispered, tapping his chest softly. “Your heart is what makes you so beautiful to me. Your amazing abs are just a bonus.”

That pulled a sound out of his mouth that she had never heard before, but it put a smile on her face. It was a mix between a huff and a chuckle and she would probably be able to argue that she fell in love with him all over again right then and there.

The fact that Felicity didn’t hear the electronic lock of the foundry’s door and only realized Diggle and Roy were back when they got to the bottom of the stairs could serve as an example of how distracting Oliver was to her. The archer didn’t look surprised, though. He only ran his knuckles gently under her eyes to get rid of those few angry tears that had escaped, knocking her glasses a little askew in the process. He pulled her glasses back into place, smiling at her.

“What are you two doing on the floor?” Roy’s suspicious voice was accompanied by an even more suspicious look.

Felicity rolled her eyes at him, ignoring the question. What did he think they were doing? Having sex on the less than sanitary floor, with all of their clothes on? Because that was what his tone implied. Fine, she was wearing a dress, the access would be easy, but still…

“None of your business,” Oliver answered, getting up in a swift move and extending his hand to her.

She took his hand and let him help her up, but before she could let go, he stepped closer and dropped his lips to her ear.

“Now my butt hurts too,” he whispered in jest, making her giggle and shove him away from her.

“Something tells me it’s not life threatening,” she went back to her computers to set up the alerts for the night, so they could all go home.

Felicity focused on what she had to do, but the smile was still on her face. She wouldn’t say Oliver looked unburdened, not with the conversation they had on the floor. But he looked in a good mood. It was like the weight he insisted on carrying on his shoulders by himself wasn’t weighting him down as much today.

“What _were_ you doing on the floor?” Dig asked them when Roy left to go change out of his suit. His tone was very different from Roy’s, though. He sounded curious.

“Felicity was just telling me how amazing she thinks my abs are,” and there was also that. The playfulness. She liked playful Oliver.

One look at him and she could tell his answer wasn’t just to tease her, though. He didn’t feel like sharing their conversation with Diggle, at least not right now.

“Guilty as charged,” she played along, receiving a thankful little smile in return.

“On the floor?” John sounded confused and like he was telling them they had chairs at the same time.

“Hey, his abs look amazing from anywhere,” she turned her chair around to face Dig, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You sound very protective of his abs,” he was so entertained by the direction of the conversation. Yesterday this wouldn’t be possible.

Diggle was so glad Oliver decided to get his head out of his ass (mostly) and that his friends were okay again. The last few months had been awful for everyone. The amount of times he had seen Felicity cry had made him want to punch Oliver in the face, but then he would look at Oliver and that stupid boy would look like a kicked puppy and he didn’t have the heart to punch him in the face when the guy was already down. And all the tension… It was suffocating.

“My hair too, for some reason. Although it’s just hair and it grows back.” Oliver piped in and she let out an indignant huff.

“We have a deal about the hair,” she reminded him, narrowing her eyes jokingly.

“Yes, we do. And I am very interested in ripping the benefits of maintaining my end of the deal,” he gave her a mischievous smile, raising an eyebrow at her.

Felicity’s heart thumped inside her chest wildly. He certainly didn’t look like someone who was talking about her running her hands innocently through his hair like she had done earlier. And now she couldn’t help herself but imagine things.

“I did not need to hear about Felicity’s fixation with Oliver’s abs. Much less about whatever “deal” this is.” Roy’s voice interrupted her wild imagination. “It’s like you two are physically incapable of stop flirting. Is this how things are going to be down here from now on?”

The IT girl opened her mouth to protest, but pressed her lips together in the next second, swallowing her words. Now that she thought about it, they had been flirting. A lot, actually. She couldn’t even blame her faulty brain-to-mouth filter, because she was aware of the things she said to him. For the most part. And Oliver flirted back. Which was interesting, to say the least. She found out she liked flirty Oliver an awful lot.

“Leave them be, Roy,” Diggle answered and both Felicity and Oliver noticed he sounded so very amused. “C’mon, I’ll give you a ride home.”

The older man didn’t even wait for a response, pushing Roy up the stairs and throwing them a “see you tomorrow” over his shoulder. When they heard the door locking after the two men left, Felicity turned her eyes to Oliver, a laugh escaping her lips.

“Dig sounds…” she stopped mid-sentence, searching for the right word.

“Delighted?” Oliver suggested, leaning against her desk.

“Yeah.” The IT girl shook her head, an amused smile playing on her lips.

“He was probably getting tired of us,” a frown took over his face. “Or me, actually. It was mostly my fault.”

She didn’t want Oliver to keep blaming himself, didn’t want flirty, playful Oliver to disappear in favor of broody Oliver when they had been having such a good evening, but she had no way to disagree with him. It had been mostly his fault, but they were good now. There was no need for him to keep beating himself because of it anymore.

“Hey.” She got up from her chair, stepping in front of him and laying her hands over his arms. The arms he had crossed in front of his chest in a clear sign that he was closing himself off. “It’s done and over with. Nothing we do or say is going to change things now. Let’s just forget about it and move on, okay?”

He only stared at her for a while, that frown still on his face and Felicity could see the war raging on in his mind. Oliver always had a hard time letting go of his guilt and this time wasn’t different. In the end, he only sighed deeply and let his arms fall back to his sides, nodding at her.

Knowing it would take some time for him to really let go of this issue, Felicity decided that changing the subject would be the best to do right now.

“I have the alerts set up for the night. We can leave any time you want to,” she told him, then she tilted her head at him. “You’re still coming home with me, right?”

“You still want me to?” he asked back, just to be sure.

She nodded, smiling at him. Felicity was a little anxious about the conversation, because she didn’t want him to think she was pressuring him. But on the other hand, she knew she would feel better about everything once Oliver knew where her mind and heart were at. And to be honest, she was a bit excited too. She was too out of it last night to appreciate the fact that Oliver was right there, in her home with her. And that morning had been a whirlwind, but maybe they could just relax tonight, maybe watch a movie. Do something normal for once.

“If we leave now, we can make a stop on the way so I can restock my ice-cream. I’m running dangerously low.” It was almost 10:30pm (quite early for their standards), but she knew a place on the way home that would be open.

“Okay,” Oliver answered, with a chuckle. Who was he to come between Felicity Smoak and her ice-cream? “Let’s go then.”

She gave him a bright smile, picking up her purse and checking her alerts one last time to make sure she had everything set. And then she turned around again, looking at him with a small frown between her eyebrows.

“Maybe you should take something to sleep in. You were in sweatpants last night,” she motioned to what he was wearing. “But jeans are very uncomfortable to sleep in.”

“Huh,” he looked down at himself for a second, before nodding and taking off to go find some clothes.

Watching Oliver running around the place like an over excited puppy, looking for things to throw into an overnight bag was quite a vision and it amused her so much her face was starting to hurt from smiling so hard. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one that was a little bit thrilled about spending some time together and that fact made her heart positively sing with happiness.

John said they would be alright and right now, in this moment… Yeah, she could see it now. She _believed_ it now. They would be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta and English isn't my first language so any and every mistake you might encounter is mine.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys. I know it's been a long time, but like you all know, I needed some time to heal from my nerve inflammation and then real life also happened and it took me longer than I would like to be able to write anything. I would very much like to thank all of you for your well wishes and your patience, tho. You guys are the best.  
> Anyway, I'm posting this chapter early in the day because I feel like I went too long without updating it already lol  
> I'm hoping to come back to the regular updates every Wednesday from now on.

The car ride was as uncomfortable as it could get for him. Maybe Oliver should have thought this better. Not the part about going home with Felicity, but the transportation method. Maybe he should have called a cab once she gave him that definitive “We are not taking your bike. I’m wearing a dress, Oliver.”

He could barely fit his whole frame into her car, much less have room to move his legs. He still remembered how troublesome it had been to hide in her tiny car when his mother shot him. There was no room whatsoever for him to try to lay comfortably in her backseat. He still waited for her there, though. He had been uncomfortable, bleeding and in pain, but he knew from the beginning that he could trust her.

Of course, Oliver couldn’t compare what had happened that night to now. First of all, he wasn’t bleeding or in physical pain. Then there was also the difference in his mindset. He had been confused and, he could admit, scared that night. Tonight? He was a bit apprehensive about whatever Felicity wanted to talk to him about, but otherwise, he couldn’t remember when it was the last time he had felt as light as he was feeling right now. It didn’t stop him from mumbling a complaint about his legs falling asleep, though.

The stop for ice-cream came at the right time for him to be able to stretch his legs a bit, but it was way too short for his liking. Good thing that it was only 10 more minutes to Felicity’s place after that. Minutes that he spent just watching her. He liked watching her. That wasn’t new, although he had tried to tone it down in the past. The staring, the intensity... He thought she deserved better than the push and pull in a time when he had no idea how to let them be more.

He was not trying at all now. He didn’t have to anymore. Not when they both already knew how the other felt. His laser focus didn’t go unnoticed, but if the way she turned to smile at him a couple of times was anything to go by, she didn’t mind his staring.

Felicity made a beeline for her front door once they got there, talking about how she didn’t want her precious ice-cream to melt in the summer heat, leaving Oliver to follow her with a small grin on his face. She left the door wide open for him, going straight to the kitchen to get her ice-cream to safety. And that extra takeout box of Lo Mein she had brought home from the foundry.

“Mission accomplished,” she told him, coming back to the living room with a satisfied smile on her lips.

Oliver pushed the front door closed behind him, shaking his head in amusement at her, a chuckle leaving his lips at the fact that she only discarded of her purse and keys after the ice-cream was safely in her freezer. Then she sat down on the couch and unstrapped her shoes, sitting them gently on the floor and sighing in relief when her bare feet hit the floorboards.

And Oliver was still stuck in the same place by the closed door, overnight bag over his shoulder, just looking at her. How come everything she did fascinated him somehow? Was this normal? It couldn't be normal.

“Are you going to stay there all night?” The amusement in her tone took him out of his musings about her painted toenails and he gave her a very eloquent “Huh?” in response that made her shake her head at him. “Come here.”

He obeyed her request instantly, letting his bag at their feet in front of the couch and sitting down beside her. Oliver was learning that it was very easy for him to do whatever Felicity wanted him to do. Then she snuggled up into him with a contented sigh, her head resting on his shoulder. Her hesitation about making him uncomfortable with her touch that had been present last night (and the last few months) was nowhere to be found now.

She didn’t say a word, letting him take in the space around him in a way he hadn’t last night or even that morning. He had been preoccupied with other things to pay too much attention. Her place was so very her, though. Everything in it screamed her name, from the knick-knacks she had everywhere to all the colors. Then he saw the poster she had on the wall behind the tv and snorted involuntarily. How did he miss that one?

“I swear I had that long before I met you,” she laughed when she saw that her poster had caught his eyes. “The Adventures of Robin Hood is one of my favorite movies. When I found out about you, that poster also became a very funny inside joke.”

“So... I’m Robin Hood?” Oliver sounded so amused that it made her smile.

“You did start all of this basically stealing from the rich to give it to the poor, although you were mostly just stealing back what they stole and maybe you were a little misguided. You do own a bow and arrows, though,” her smile turned mischievous. “And you do wear green tights.”

“I don’t wear tights.” Even though he was disagreeing, he had a smile stuck on his lips.

“Well, those Arrow pants are very tight,” Felicity shrugged, the glint in her eyes doing things to his insides. “ _Very_ tight, Oliver. Sometimes I worry.”

That made him laugh out loud. He couldn’t believe they were talking about how tight his pants were and she wasn’t even blushing. This side of her... He liked it. He liked it very much.

“Do you think about my pants a lot, Felicity?” he teased her once his laughter died down.

“I have no way to answer that without incriminating myself.” She turned her head to hide her face into his arm with a giggle.

“So that's a yes,” he chuckled when Felicity groaned at his words. “Hey, you started it.”

“I’m never gonna hear the end of this, will I?” His look was a mix of expectant and teasing and it made her roll her eyes, because she was pretty sure that he would keep looking at her that way until she caved. The insufferable man. “I’m human, Oliver. My eyes tend to wander.”

“I always knew you were ogling me. I just wanted to hear you say it.” He raised an eyebrow at her playfully and she slapped him in the arm with the back of her hand in response, the blush he had been expecting finally making it to her cheeks.

“You know what you get for that little remark? The next 30 minutes or so spent alone.” Felicity took her shoes from the floor and stood up from the couch, several inches shorter than she had been the whole evening without the high heels on. “I’m gonna shower. I think there’s still beer somewhere in the fridge from the last time John stopped by if you feel like having a drink.”

Oliver knew for a fact there was some beer in her fridge since he had seen it that morning when he was looking for something he could use to make breakfast, but he didn’t feel like drinking right now. He was more interested in examining the space around him, so that’s what he did for the next half hour.

He didn’t know exactly why he was so fascinated by the little ornaments she had everywhere or the paintings on her walls. Or the fact that one of the walls on her living room was painted in a completely different color than the other ones. A shade of dark blue that was a perfect match to her curtains and that was the same color as the wall at the end of the hallway that led to the bedroom. He really did miss a lot last night and that morning.

Maybe his fascination came from the fact that she was willingly sharing her home with him. Okay, so she did kind of kicked him out last night, but she _asked_ him to come home with her tonight. And he didn’t forget she had a reason for it, didn’t forget she had something she wanted to talk to him about, but he also knew her as well as she knew him. Maybe Oliver was reading too much into it, but he felt like her request for him to come home with her was, in part, just because she wanted to spend time with him.

The archer had been staring at Felicity’s books for the last few minutes, lost in his thoughts when she came out of the bathroom. She had the same lilac tank top from last night on, her hair was down around her shoulders as well and her glasses were nowhere to be found, but her pajama pants were a dark blue this time and were full of Russian dolls, instead of cupcakes. For some reason that amused him greatly.

She was fumbling with the string on the waist of her pajamas so she only realized he was standing there, staring at her, when he laughed. Her eyes raised to him with a sharp look, but then he saw the corner of her lips lifting up in a small smile.

“Yes, Oliver. I have nesting dolls on my pajama pants. Get over it.” She was trying to be serious and failing miserably at it. Her tone only made him chuckle again. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“I’m not laughing at you. You’re just so...” He shook his head in amusement, his feet moving closer to her without his permission, like he was just being pulled into her orbit. Without her heels, Felicity had to tip her head back to look up at him. “You’re adorable.”

She blushed the loveliest shade of pink he had ever seen in his life and stopped fumbling with the string in her pants, pulling the edge of her tank top down. The fact that she could talk about how tight his Arrow pants were without any sign of a blush on her face, but then turn all bashful when he said she was adorable was just something else that made her all the more endearing to him.

“Ice-cream,” she said suddenly, getting past him to go to the kitchen. “We need ice-cream.”

He followed her silently, shaking his head at her and with an affectionate smile playing on his lips. Oliver let her fumble around the kitchen, pulling out bowls and spoons while he just watched her. She pulled out a carton of mint chocolate chip ice-cream and the plain chocolate one she had bought that night, eyeing both for a second before putting the mint chocolate chip back in the freezer.

“I’m in the mood for good, old chocolate tonight.” A few moments later, she handed him a bowl and a spoon on her way out of the kitchen. She turned around to him wide-eyed before she could reach the couch, though. “Wow, I’m a terrible host. I didn’t even ask which one you wanted. You can have the other one if you want. Just because I’m in the mood for chocolate, it doesn’t mean you have…”

“Chocolate is okay,” he interrupted her with a chuckle. The archer knew if he let her, his IT girl would go on and on about ice-cream flavors.

“You sure?” Felicity sat down cross-legged on the couch, looking at him with that cute little furrow between her eyebrows when he sat down next to her. “I mean… the mint chocolate chip is at a low level right now, but you can totally have it if you want to.”

“I’m sure,” the archer smiled at her, and then to prove his point, the spoon full of chocolate ice-cream was in his mouth. She shrugged, satisfied with his response, before getting distracted by her own ice-cream.

They were both silent until bowls were empty and spoons were clean. When she reached for the tv remote that was over the table beside the couch, though, Oliver caught it out of her hand and dropped it on the cushion at his other side.

“Didn’t you want to talk about something?” His raised eyebrows made Felicity press her lips together. He was still a bit anxious about whatever it was she wanted to talk about, but she was 100% stalling. It couldn’t be that bad, right?

“Yeah,” she sighed, knowing she had been caught.

She had planned everything she wanted to say to him in her head while she was showering. But then she came out of the bathroom and he was staring at her that way and calling her adorable and her mind went blank. Now she couldn’t remember a single thing she had planned to say. And she really didn’t want to sound like a rambling mess this time.

“I had it all worked out in my head, you know? So I wouldn’t start going on tangents and sound like a lunatic. But, as usual, you distracted me,” she rolled her eyes, turning around to seat against the arm of the couch and poking his thigh with a foot. “If I ramble through it all, it’s your fault.”

“I thought we established already that I don’t mind your ramblings,” he reminded her, turning around too so he could face her, resting his arm over the back of the couch. “Whatever it is, I won’t run for the hills.”

“Pinky swear?” She asked seriously, or as serious as a question like that could be asked.

“Felicity…” the archer shook his head, a deep sigh escaping him. “My days of running away from you are over, okay? I might not always know what to say or do in certain situations, but I promise you I’m not going anywhere.”

His words were so heartfelt, so full of conviction, that Felicity could do nothing but nod in response, feeling like her heart was overflowing with a love so big her body wouldn’t be able to contain it. And just like that, the nervous energy she had been bursting with dissipated. She had nothing to be anxious about.

“Then I promise I’ll help you figure things out if it gets to be too much,” she mimicked his position, draping an arm on the back of the couch too, but rested her head on her bent arm.

“I would like that very much,” Oliver told her honestly, his heart doing somersaults inside his chest at the way she was looking at him with so much affection, so much _love_ shining in her eyes.

The silence that fell between them, much like that morning, was a comfortable one. It was filled with possibilities, filled with all of the things their future could offer them. No more tension, no more anxiety or sadness. It didn’t last long, though. Felicity had things she wanted to tell him, so she let her free hand find his and let the words flow out.

“I had a little chat with Dig when you went out to get me dinner. Thanks for that, by the way,” she smiled at him, running her thumb over his knuckles gently.

“Did you get the third degree too?” Oliver chuckled, cocking his head at her.

“Apparently, you dealt with the interrogation well enough, so I didn’t have to. I’m sorry about that, John can be a little…” she didn’t want to say overprotective, because he wasn’t. Not really. He always let her make her own choices, let her deal with her own business, just being there if she needed him. But the last few months had been hard, so he had been a bit more intense than usual.

“He loves you, Felicity. He wants to make sure you’re okay. I don’t mind the interrogation,” he told her sincerely, with a little shrug. “It was a good talk, actually. He gives good advice.”

“He really does. And uh… he made me realize a few things. Things that I should tell you about.” Felicity sat up straight so she was more on his eye level, but she never let go of his hand.

“Okay.” A little furrow appeared between his eyebrows, but he kept silent otherwise, waiting for her.

“I wasn’t completely honest with you this morning. It wasn’t on purpose, I didn’t even realize it until Dig pointed it out,” she was a little annoyed with herself for that and it showed on her tone. “I’m gonna be honest now, but… Please, don’t freak out. I really am not trying to push you into anything you’re not ready for.”

“I know.” Oliver squeezed her hand lightly, an encouraging smile lifting the corner of his lips.

“I told you I didn’t think I was ready either, but that’s not true. Dig thinks I was giving you an out, because I’m scared things might not work out. And he’s right. I am a bit terrified about the possibility, because I don’t… I don’t want to lose you.” The IT girl sighed deeply, her eyes falling to their clasped hands. “But I love you, Oliver. I love you and I want to be with you. You told me you’re not ready, though, and that’s fine too. So I just… I want you to know that I’ll be here whenever you’re ready, okay?”

“Felicity…” he whispered, his heart giving a painful jolt when he saw a few tears rolling down her face. He hated to see her cry.

“I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m not sad. This isn’t a sad thing, it’s just a thing that happens,” she rubbed at her eyes with her free hand, but the tears kept coming for some reason. “I guess sometimes people love each other at the wrong time. It’s okay, though. It’s not going to be the wrong time forever, right?”

She sounded like she needed him to reassure her as much as she was trying to reassure herself. Had he really been that careless with her heart? So careless that now she barely believed her own words? He couldn’t let her keep thinking like that. Even if he thought she could do so much better than him, nothing about them would ever be wrong in his eyes. Nothing about _loving her_ could ever be wrong, be it timing or anything else.

Maybe it was time for him to be as honest with her as she was trying to be with him. Four times. Four times she had said she loved him today, but the only time she ever heard the same words coming out of his mouth was when they were trying to fool Slade, with cameras around and a plan. And even though she knew him well enough to realize he had been honest back then, he still had some catching up to do.

Oliver realized his free hand was trembling a bit when he raised it to her face, cupping her cheek gently. Maybe it was nerves or adrenaline, maybe a bit of both, but his heart was almost lurching out of his chest. Which made no sense whatsoever, because she already knew how he felt. But she still deserved to hear it.

He squeezed the hand that was still in his softly, before dropping her hand and raising his now free left hand to join his right one on her face. Rubbing his thumbs slightly under her eyes to get rid of the silent tears that kept coming, he tilted her head a bit so he could look her in the eyes. She had told him she wasn’t sad and he believed her, she really didn’t look sad. It was more like she was so overwhelmed by her feelings that her body couldn’t contain it and it was all leaking through her eyes.

He would never understand what the hell he did right in his miserable life to deserve to be loved like _this_ by someone like Felicity Smoak, but he was past the point of questioning it. He had told Diggle during their talk that evening before Felicity made it to the foundry that what she deserved was a normal guy and a normal life, not someone like him. And his friend’s response to that had been stuck in his head for hours now.

_“You don’t get to decide that for her. Much less if your decision makes her miserable. She doesn’t want a normal guy and a normal life, Oliver. She wants you.”_

That was all it came back to in reality, wasn’t it? She _wanted him_ for some reason. He really had nothing to offer her, he didn’t even have a home right now. But Felicity didn’t seem to care about any of that. All he had right now was his own heart. So he would lay his heart at her feet and let her decide what to do with it. It was hers for the taking if she wanted to. It had been for a really long time.

Still rubbing at her cheeks gently, Oliver let his lips drop to her forehead in a delicate kiss. The sharp intake of breath and the way her hands fisted in the front of his shirt told him he caught her by surprise, but he let his lips linger for a few more seconds before pulling away leisurely. The sweet smile she gave him was enough to help him put his thoughts in order and push the words out.

“Just because I’m a little out of my depth here, doesn’t mean it’s the wrong time.” A little half sigh, half shake of his head accompanied the bashful smile on his lips. “I love you, Felicity. Nothing about that will ever be wrong.”

He never thought that having Felicity staring at him could be so stressful. She wasn’t doing anything; she was just sitting there, staring at him like she could see into his very soul. Sometimes he felt like she actually could. Then her whole body went limp and she leaned forward, resting her head on the first solid surface she found, which just happened to be his chest.

He panicked when she fisted his shirt even tighter, small sobs coming out of her throat and a new wave of tears wetting his shirt. Oliver had no idea what he had said wrong, how he could mess up so much with only a few words to the point of making her cry against his chest.

“I didn’t… What did I do? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he told her hurriedly, shifting on the couch so he could wrap his arms around her and pull her closer to his body.

“You didn’t.” She shifted with him without a second thought, burying herself further into the warmth of his arms, trying to control her emotions.

“Then why are you crying?” Oliver ran his hands gently over her back, trying to soothe her.

“I have no idea,” she answered, something between a little sob and a laugh leaving her mouth. “You’re not good at all at lying to me. But sometimes in the last few months I kind of wondered if I didn’t just saw what I wanted to see that night.”

She didn’t have to say the words for him to understand what she was trying to tell him here. There was no need for her to say that his actions and Laurel’s digs at their relationship made her doubt herself and his feelings for her. The archer knew she wasn’t trying to make him feel bad or guilty about what had happened, but he still felt that tightness in his chest at seeing the proof of how much the last few months had hurt her.

“I feel like I’m acting like a crazy person here. I’m sorry,” Felicity whispered into his chest, taking a deep breath to try to center herself.

“Hey, no.” He pulled away slightly to be able to look at her face. Her eyes looked so very bright with a few tears still spilling down slowly. “You don’t ever have to apologize for how you feel, Felicity. Not to anyone and certainly not to me.”

She nodded at him, a small smile gracing her lips and finally losing the tight grip she had on his shirt to be able to lift her hands to her face and get rid of the tears. The IT girl shifted on the couch again until she found a comfortable position to lie against him. A satisfied sigh escaped her when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting her snuggle into his side.

“I really didn’t ask you to come here to force a confession out of you or something,” she picked up his free hand in between her much smaller ones again. “I meant it when I said it’s okay if you’re not ready. I just wanted you to know that I’m not going anywhere.”

“Stop talking about forcing me into things. You’re not. I should have… I should’ve told you a long time ago,” the archer pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head, trying not to let his thoughts plague him about how he could have avoided causing her so much pain if he had been honest with her sooner.

Oh, so he was still on that guilt trip, huh? Nope, that wouldn’t do. She just wanted them to move on from that. Things were a little clearer in her mind now that she wasn’t consumed by the pain and confusion of the last few months. And one of those things was that, even if it had been mostly his fault, _she_ could have said something sooner too and she still chose not to, because she had been terrified of what could happen if she put her heart on the line like that. Maybe it was mostly his fault, but it wasn’t _all_ his fault. They both messed up.

“I know you’re the leading expert in guilt and regret, but I would really like if you could just… Let it go. It won’t do us any good to keep dwelling about all the things we could or should have done,” she told him softly, absentmindedly playing with his fingers. And then she tilted her head back to look at him with a smile so beautiful on her lips that it made his heart soar. “You’ve told me now. And it made me very, _very_ happy.”

“So happy it made you cry?” Oliver teased her, trying to get them back to a lighter mood.

She snorted in response, pressing her face into his side to hide the fact that she was giggling. The sound was so full of joy that it made Oliver sigh in relief. She had some less than happy moments in the last few months. It was so damn good to see her happy. He promised himself in that moment to do everything in his power to keep her that way. He would never let her doubt again, never would let anyone make her doubt again about how much she meant to him.

She hummed in contentment, her eyes closed like she was just savoring the moment when he pressed another small kiss to the crown of her head. God, she was beautiful. Objectively, he has always known that Felicity was a very attractive woman. And it wasn't just because of her looks. She was gorgeous, yes, but her whole personality was attractive. She pulled people into her orbit without even trying. But with rosy cheeks and happiness etched into every inch of her face like right now? That was a sight he never wanted to forget.

Oliver was running his hand up and down her arm, the tips of his fingers ghosting over her skin so gently that her whole arm tingled and she could feel him melting back into the couch. She chanced a glance at his face and he had his eyes closed, his expression so relaxed that it made her eyes burn with tears again. The fact that he felt so comfortable with her, that he could just let his guard down for once and relax like this made her so incredibly happy.

This was what she wanted for him, what she had wanted for him for a very long time. She wanted him to be able to let his guard down, to share that burden he insisted on carrying alone. He didn’t have to carry it alone any longer. Not since he brought her and Dig into his crusade. The world wouldn’t end if he took a night off, if he took some time to himself. He didn’t have to choose between being the Arrow or just being Oliver, not with her.

Unwrapping his arm from around her, Felicity scooted closer to the arm of the couch, until her hip was pressed into it. Oliver opened his eyes, his face filled with confusion on why she was suddenly all the way over there. He looked adorable when he was confused.

“Lie down,” she patted her lap, indicating what she wanted him to do. He only looked at her with even more confusion in his eyes and it made her laugh. “I don’t bite, you know?”

He blinked at her twice before coming out of the stupor he seemed to be in for some reason. He passed her the remote that was still by his side on the couch so she could drop it at the side table before doing as she requested. As soon as his head was on her lap, one of her hands was carding through his hair and the other was resting gently over his chest. He let out a sound that resembled a cat purring, his eyes closing again.

“How is your arm?” The relaxed atmosphere around them made her question come out in almost a whisper.

“Good. Stings a little, but good,” he answered in the same low tone.

The archer wiggled around a little to get more comfortable and Felicity almost let out a bark of laughter when she realized his feet where dangling over the arm of the couch. Dear lord, the man was _big._

“You are way too big for this couch,” the amusement in her voice was so clear that Oliver peered up at her. “How did you even sleep in here last night?”

“Cramped,” he deadpanned, a mischievous look crossing his eyes before he closed them again. “Why is your furniture so small? I know you’re tiny, but…”

“I’m not! I’m average for a woman, it’s not my fault you’re a giant!” The slap she gave him in the chest only made him chuckle.

In reality, she liked the fact Oliver was so much bigger than her. It was kind of a turn on, to be honest. She had many impure thoughts about climbing him like a tree over the years. Felicity dared anyone to blame her for her thoughts after watching Oliver doing the salmon ladder shirtless for all of 10 seconds. Saying the man was hot was an understatement.

Right now, though, he looked more like a satisfied puppy. A satisfied puppy that was clearly falling asleep on her lap. She could feel his breathing getting deeper under the hand she was resting on his chest, his body relaxing further.

“Do you want to go to sleep?” Felicity was still running her hand through his hair gently. “You look tired.”

“Hmm, this is nice,” he sounded really drowsy and it looked like his brain didn’t work very well when he was sleepy.

“Yeah, you already told me earlier how nice this feels,” she tugged his hair slightly, a smile spreading on her lips.

“Not that. Well, that too. But _this_.” It took some time for his fuzzy brain to find the word he was looking for to explain to her what he meant. “Us.”

Oh, Oliver… The man could be so _sweet_ sometimes and she felt like her heart was melting inside her chest right now. Running her hand from his chest to his face, she cupped his cheek gently. His scruff tickled her palm when he turned his face into her hand, looking up at her heavy-eyed. How was she supposed to survive a sleepy Oliver Queen when he looked so endearing? It wasn’t fair how _cute_ he looked with sleep all over his face.

“It’s really, _really_ nice,” she agreed with him, her thumb caressing his cheek softly.

He hummed in response, satisfied with her answer and let his heavy lids close again. Oliver pulled her hand from his cheek to his lips, pressing a barely there kiss into her palm, before resting their clasped hands over his chest again. All through it, Felicity’s fingers were still carding through his hair. He liked the feeling and she liked the feeling. It was a win-win situation for both of them.

At first Felicity didn’t really understand what the archer meant when he whispered “baby steps” in a sleepy, languid tone. But then he went on, saying he was “okay with baby steps” and she realized he was talking about them, that he was saying he was okay with taking baby steps to wherever it was they were going in their relationship.

“Maybe we should talk about this when you’re not falling asleep on me.” As happy as that made her (baby steps were so much better than she let herself hope for when he had told her he wasn’t ready), Oliver was halfway to dream land right now.

“Tomorrow?” He mumbled, and he sounded so out of it that it made her smile.

“Tomorrow,” she confirmed, before she was gently trying to nudge him up. “Now I need you to get up and go change. I think it’s time for bed.”

“Hmm, bed sounds good.” His words didn’t match his actions, though. Instead of doing as told, he melted further into her.

“Oliver,” she laughed at him, stopping her hand’s motion in his hair and making him groan in protest. “Get up. I rather you not sleep on this couch. I know from experience how uncomfortable it is and I’m half your size.”

“Gonna get up in a second.” He really meant it, he was going to, but he was so unbelievably tired for some reason.

His second turned into a minute, then it turned into five and Felicity realized he had really fallen asleep with his head on her lap. She sighed, part exasperation that he didn’t get up when she told him to and part fondness that he felt so comfortable with her that he would fall asleep on her like that. She tried to shake him awake, but he was truly dead to the world.

Somehow, Felicity was able to move out of the couch without waking him up. He didn’t even twitch when she placed a throw pillow under his head or when she got his shoes off, shaking her head at the way his feet were still dangling over the arm of the couch, but covering him with the woolen quilt that she always left at the back of the couch was what made him move, for some reason.

He turned on his side, curling in on himself to be able to fit his whole body in the small space, pulling the quilt to his chin. His legs would probably be cramping pretty bad in the morning, but oh well… He brought this on himself. It’s not that she would be happy to say she told him so come morning, since it was kind of cute that he fell asleep on her like that, but she would totally say she told him so anyway. Maybe next time he would actually listen to her, so he wouldn’t have to sleep cramped in a couch that was definitely not made for sleeping and was way too small for him.

Felicity turned on a table lamp that would cast a very dim light on the room and watched Oliver for a minute to be sure the light wouldn’t bother him, but he was sleeping soundly with the ceiling light on, so the table lamp probably wouldn’t even register. She didn’t want him to be disorientated if he happened to wake up in the middle of the night, in the dark and somewhere he wasn’t used to. Turning off the main source of light, the IT girl locked the door and checked that the windows were closed as silently as she could.

She had every intention of going to her room, but as soon as she turned around to do just that, her feet decided to carry her back to the couch. God, Oliver looked so gorgeous. He was the most beautiful man she had ever met in her life, that wasn’t any news to her. But the way he looked right now, sleeping on her couch without a care in the world, his whole face so relaxed… The only times she thought he was more handsome was when he was smiling at her. Really smiling, when his eyes crinkled and those cute dimples of his would show up.

After taking in the face she knew so well for long seconds, Felicity shook herself out of it, but her heart felt ready to burst. Whatever he decided the baby steps he said he was okay with involved, however long it took him to get to a point where he felt ready to be with her, Felicity knew everything would be fine. He loved her and she was happier than she had felt in months. There was no need to rush. Not when just knowing for certain how he felt, when having him in her home and spending some time together away from their crazy vigilante life made her feel like this.

She felt her eyes prickle with tears again. Felicity knew she would probably have a good cry in her room before she could fall asleep. A good, happy cry for once. She was just so overwhelmed by the way she felt right now that she knew there was no way for her to hold it in. And that was okay. Happy tears were good. Happy tears after months of sadness were _great_. But she didn’t want to wake Oliver when he looked so peaceful, so before she could lose it and start sobbing because she was _so happy_ , she crouched down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“Sleep well, my love,” Felicity whispered, before running her hand through his hair one last time and making her way to her room, thinking she would probably have the best sleep she had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta and English isn't my first language so any and every mistake you might encounter is mine.


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